Losing Control
Cheril N. Clarke
Dedication:
To all those in search of honesty and love, be true to yourselves in your quest.
Chapter 1
Her eyes were closed but she was awake. Facing the wall with her back against his, she debated slipping out of bed but remained still. She didn’t want to wake him, nor did she want to chance catching a glimpse of herself in one of her bedroom mirrors. Guilt and shame made her feel ugly. Her breathing was deliberately soft, almost undetectable before she took a weighted breath as if to relieve the pressure that had been building for so long. It was three o’clock in the morning and Brianna had barely slept an hour since she had lain down at eleven.
Opening her eyes, she stared at the clock on the nightstand, blinking, thinking. She turned to face him and kissed his smooth, dark brown shoulder. He sighed peacefully and reached for her arm to place it around him. A tear slid from her right eye onto the pillow. With her hand against his chest, she could feel his heartbeat. She could feel the warmth radiating from his athletic, 5’9” frame. Brianna inched closer to him so that her bare skin was against his, closed her eyes, and again tried to sleep. Lately, this had become a routine, although he had no idea. It was always in the middle of the night that her deepest feelings gnawed at her from within. She kept it all inside, as if telling someone about them would cost her everything she’d worked for. It might have.
Franklin and Brianna had become friends during their years at Rutgers University’s School of Law and remained so after they had both graduated with honors. Although he had gone on to become a powerful businessman in Philadelphia, she had moved forward with her interest in local politics, using her law degree as padding for her already bulging résumé. Over the last six months, they’d become intimate, something they hadn’t done since a one-time experience during their schooldays. Unable to stand the lonely nights in her home, Brianna occasionally invited Franklin to spend evenings with her. He was a strong, handsome, and incredibly intelligent man—a rarity, especially in comparison to the men whom she saw on a daily basis in the gritty southern city of Rockville, New Jersey. Franklin lived one town over in Cherry Hill, not very far away but starkly different with its shopping malls, trendy restaurants, and roomy homes on big lots of manicured lawns. He lived in a high-rise condominium. Brianna cared for him, but the way she’d been using him was wrong and she knew it.
As the night began to turn into early morning, she finally fell asleep. Their bodies were closely spooned together under soft, sea-green sheets. Two hours later Frank woke up and turned around to kiss her on the forehead before easing out of bed and into the bathroom to begin his morning routine.
“Bri,” he lowered his tenor voice to a whisper after returning to her side and sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Hm?” She opened her eyes slowly to see a half-smile on his face. She managed to return one of her own.
“I’m about to head out.” He ran his hand down her arm and, admiring her soft, medium-brown skin, took her hand in his. “I umm...” Franklin hesitated, unsure if he should say what he was thinking. He decided against it. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“All right.”
He leaned in to kiss her again, softly grazing her bottom lip with his tongue before pulling away. She smiled, feeling a tingle in her body. Franklin’s touch was somewhat comforting. She got up to walk him out and then crawled back into bed for a few more hours of shuteye.
---
Brianna scrolled through messages on her PDA as she waited in a drive-thru for her coffee. Thoughts of Franklin ran rampant in her mind, but she pushed them aside. Because of him, her personal and professional lives were merging. She felt terrible about it but knew she needed him if she was going to win the election. Franklin was connected to a lot of influential and well-off people. Now that she was running for city council, she had to tap every resource that she had.
After getting her coffee, she headed toward her storefront headquarters. Her cell phone soon rang.
“Good morning, Sheldon.” She could see from the caller ID that it was her campaign manager.
“Morning, Anderson. I hope you’re on your way in. You have a tight schedule today.”
“I am. I am. I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay. Let me brief you really quickly anyway,” said Sheldon.
“Go ahead.”
“You have two ‘Meet the Candidate’ appearances with Smith.”
“Ugh.”
“I know you hate those, Anderson, but they’re a must.”
“Mm hm,” she sighed. “Next?”
“A fundraising dinner,” he paused, “and speaking of fundraising…”
“I know, dial-for-dollars.” She didn’t know which task she dreaded more: appearing with her opponent, Colleen Smith, or personally calling people to request donations to her campaign. “Sheldon, I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?”
“All right, I’ll see you in a few then,” he said and they hung up.
“I guess I’d rather ask for money than be next to Smith,” she muttered to herself.
The last time Brianna had been in the presence of Smith, there had been an aura of disdain and jealousy emanating from her rival. After they were out of the public eye and Brianna had extended her hand to Smith, she was taken aback by her reserve. Smith walked out of the room without a word to Brianna, her silence coming off as snobbish and condescending. The closer it got to Election Day, the more tense things became.
Brianna thought she had a good chance of winning, but in reality, no one who was currently in office backed her because she was different—a young hotshot who, though a Democrat, had ideas that were more conservative than the current leadership in the crime-infested city. She wanted to take over the fifth district, a first step toward taking over the city. Rockville resonated deeply with Brianna because it reminded her of the shoddy East New York section of Brooklyn in which she had been born and raised. The eyes of the people were the same. The mix of despair, fatigue, and complacency within them made her think of the many days she had looked around East New York wanting to change things but being too young and ill-equipped to do so.
The day that she’d made up her mind to make a difference in a poverty-stricken neighborhood was a day during which she had barely escaped being hit by a stray bullet. It had killed an innocent child instead. Brianna never forgot the earsplitting sound of the fired shots and the scenes of chaos as people darted for cover. A burning desire to escape the trap of living in housing projects pushed Brianna to become as educated as possible. She had excelled and risen to become a force to be reckoned with. While pursuing her undergraduate degree, she had spent a semester working as an intern for New Jersey’s Senator Buckley at the Capitol in Washington, D.C. It was there that she had taken a serious interest in New Jersey’s local politics. Long before she had even moved to the state, she had begun learning about its cities and its people. Rockville caught her attention as a place where she could make a difference for the residents, as well as make a name for herself. Brianna Anderson, City Councilwoman; she said the title over and over in her head. She wanted it badly and would stop at nothing to obtain it.
Chapter 2
An audience of about twenty people sat inside the small community room of a senior citizens home. Four of them were asleep, two of them were staring out a window, and one man was digging in his ear. The rest were barely paying attention, but Colleen Smith went on with her speech anyway. It was her third stop of the day and she didn’t seem a bit tired. Time felt as though it were going by quickly, and she was giving her campaign all she had.
Having won previous elections by wide margins, Colleen was now uncomfortable with Brianna’s candidacy, but she tried to hide it. She didn’t like the change that Brianna represented. Colleen was born and raised in Rockville. She’d seen it in good times and in bad. She could remember when it flourished, before blue collar work suffered a miserable death at the hands of a crippled economy. As factories closed one by one and work began to disappear, the city began to tumble into reckless neglect. But Colleen had lost her compassion for Rockville a long time ago. For the latter part of her career, she had been part of a small group of people who had a stronghold on the city. She was guilty of retaining her power through corrupt pay-to-play systems, accepting large contributions from professionals in return for awarding them no-bid contracts. She had a number of other tricks up her sleeve that help offset the meager salary of a councilwoman. Colleen only cared about herself.
“Listen, I want you to dig up some dirt on Brianna Anderson,” she said to her campaign manager, Tony, after they left the senior citizens’ home. She brushed her thin, dark brown hair from her face.
He looked at her without giving a response.
“I’m serious. I don’t care how you do it, but find some dirt and leak it to the press!”
Tony restrained his impulse to talk with reason and nodded in acknowledgement. “Consider it done.”
She placed her hand on his arm. “Don’t let me down.”
He relaxed. “I won’t. I know a guy who can find anything on anyone. Just give me a little time.”
“You’ve got it,” she said and pointed her finger at him sternly, “but not too much time. I want this done.”
He nodded positively. “Don’t worry.”
They soon were in the meeting room of a neighborhood association. The residents greeted Colleen warmly. Smile, shake hands, compliment. Smile, shake hands, compliment. Over and over, she went through the same motions with everyone after formally introducing herself. She worked the entire room; most of the people in attendance already favored her over Brianna. She was in one of the few sections of Rockville that wasn’t downtrodden by violence and poverty, one where she’d recently gotten a state-of-the-art recreation center built for children. The residents loved her, willingly placing campaign signs in their lawns. Smile, shake hands, compliment…pose for a picture and keep smiling. Colleen was a hit.
---
In the Anderson headquarters, Brianna’s eyes were fixed on the television. Breaking news: An entire family had been shot execution style in a row house that had been set on fire in an attempt to cover up the killings. A toddler and newborn were among the dead.
“Can the district look anymore unsafe?” She sighed and bit her bottom lip. “This is bad. This is awful timing.”
“It’s bad for the families, but only awful timing for you if you make it,” Sheldon said. “You have a speech tomorrow morning before your fundraising luncheon. I’m going to tweak it to show compassion for the victims while reinforcing your stance that Rockville needs new leadership.”
She ran her manicured hands through her hair while nodding in agreement. “I need to have that speech for review tonight.”
“I’m on it right now.”
“I appreciate you, Shel.” Brianna flashed her dimple-accented smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, before stepping away to work alone.
Brianna’s cell phone vibrated. It was Franklin. She sent the call to voice mail, making a mental note to call him when she had privacy.
“Is Yesenia back yet?” Brianna asked the question aloud to no one in particular but waited for a response. Yesenia was a young, cute, Hispanic volunteer.
“I haven’t seen her,” answered Asad while typing rapidly.
“Thanks, Asad.” Brianna smiled at him and quickly turned her attention to a wall that had a large district map taped to it. Next to the map was a sizeable calendar that had all of her important dates marked in red.
“Anderson.” Sheldon called her.
“Yes?”
“I’ve made the revisions to your speech. Why don’t you take a look?” His eyes were large and prideful as he handed her the pages. Sheldon was a smart man in his mid-fifties, short, balding and slightly overweight.
“All right, Shel. Just give me one minute.” Brianna set the papers down and continued to scan the calendar.
Yesenia walked into the headquarters empty-handed with a grin on her face. She’d gone door-to-door to distribute literature about Brianna and to try to drum up more volunteers to help with a mass mailing that was coming up.
Brianna looked toward Yesenia. “I was just asking about you.”
“Sorry, I stopped to grab something to eat on my way back.” She smiled apologetically. “Did you need something?”
“I just wanted to know how it went for you today. Were people receptive and taking the literature or did you just end up leaving most of it on doors?”
“Well, some people took the info and said they’d read it later, a hand full of people asked me questions about you, and I did end up leaving some at houses where no one answered the door.”
“Thank you so much.”
“It’s cool.” Yesenia smiled.
Brianna returned her attention to the revised speech. After making a few minor changes, she gave it her stamp of approval.
The day passed quickly. She had a staff meeting with her team and then left for several meetings with ministers and civic organization leaders. She was also scheduled to have dinner with Terrence, a close friend of Franklin’s. The two men had grown up together in Rockville and even pledged to the same fraternity in college. Together, and with some of their other frat brothers, they’d started an adopt-a-street program in an effort to clean up Rockville. The streets they had chosen happened to be in Brianna’s voting district, and Terrence was leading the project.
Terrence had a personality that drew people to him. In addition to his adopt-a-street program, he owned a barbershop and was known for changing the lives of young men who were open to listening to his advice and guidance as well as that of his older, life-experienced barbers. Before becoming an entrepreneur, Terrence had been an investment banker in New York. He’d simply grown tired of Corporate America and had branched out on his own in a way that provided more meaning to his life. He tried to train and employ as many people as he could. He even employed kids to sweep up the shop when they were out of school, but they had to prove that they did actually go to school. Terrence wanted to give back to the community from which he had come.
At the restaurant, Brianna looked him directly in the eyes as she spoke. “Thanks so much for meeting with me tonight.”
“It was my pleasure. I really think you can do some good in Rockville. I’m behind you one hundred percent. I’ll do what I can to help.”
The waiter interrupted. “Sir, madam, how was everything this evening?”
“Fine, thank you.” Terrence and Brianna answered simultaneously.
“Would you care for dessert or coffee?” The waiter continued as he cleared the table.
“Actually, I’m fine. Thanks.” Brianna answered and then looked at Terrence.
“Just the check,” Terrence added. The ring that he wore on his pinky finger glistened as he reached for his glass of water.
The waiter left and returned quietly with the check as Brianna and Terrence wrapped up their conversation. Terrence was willing to donate $1500.00 to her campaign, call upon his friends to do the same, and post her signage in his shop. She studied his mannerisms, his polished, matter-of-fact way of speaking, and even noticed his Philadelphia Eagles personalized license plate when they walked to their cars. He was well dressed with a black jacket and a starched mint green button-down shirt tucked into black slacks that had razor sharp creases in them. His bald head suited his boyish good looks. She could see how he and Frank were good friends. They were similar in a lot of ways.
“Get home safely,” he said after giving her a hug. She caught a drift of his cologne, masculine, but not too strong.
“And you do the same. I’ll be in touch.”
“Sounds good.”
---
When Brianna finally decided to call it a night, she phoned Franklin while she was on her way home but he didn’t answer. She tried again when she got to her condo but still got no answer. She brushed it off and placed her phone on its charger before deciding to pour a glass of wine. An hour of sipping her drink and reviewing her speech had passed before she decided to take a shower. Her house was quiet. Lonely.
Brianna had never been in a truly fulfilling relationship. She had come close to it once, however. Sadira. The name wafted through her mind plenty of times over the years although they hadn’t spoken to each other. Sadira was the one who got away. After a few months of dating, Brianna had relocated to pursue her internship and vowed that for the sake of her career, she was no longer going to date women. She thought if she was going to make it in politics as a Republican, which she was at the time, she had to conform to the mainstream. She didn’t realize that her true political beliefs were aligned closer to center-Democrats than Republicans until her experience as an intern, which eventually led her to switch parties. Republican ideals sounded good in theory but when implemented, often proved to never be able to hold their own and offer trickle-down help to people who come from environments like the one from which she had come. She had also naively thought she could work around the religious drive of the party, but it was too difficult. Some of the people she had worked with unabashedly used Christianity to drive public policy, regardless of if it trampled people’s freedom of religion. From viewpoints on marriage equality and aid to the poor, Brianna found herself disagreeing with her party as she matured. Things weren’t as easy or black and white as Republicans made them seem. Immersed in her work, Brianna experienced a lot of political growth from that summer on. Her constant problem, however, was her lack of an ideal personal life. Though she acted as though she was content, she was not.
Besides Franklin, she wasn’t intimate with anyone else. He was better than a vibrator and she did care for him, but she wanted… needed, and craved a woman. She wanted the emotional attachment that only a woman could give her. Every day her suppressed feelings made themselves more apparent as they fought to reach the surface. She began to wonder how long she could deny herself the connection she so badly needed.
After a long, hot shower, she changed into her black silk pajamas, climbed into bed under a thick comforter and turned off the lights.
---
“Mmm.” Franklin’s deep moan was a ballad in Yesenia’s ears as he felt himself reaching a powerful climax.
“¡Sí, Papá, sí! Damelo!” Holding on to him tightly, Yesenia spoke in her native tongue as she too approached a sexual peak. It was her second escapade with him that evening. The stack of literature that she was supposed to distribute for Brianna was outside in the parking lot sitting on the passenger seat of her car.
“Frank…” Yesenia whispered his name as she lay beside him, pleasurably exhausted.
“Yeah?”
She used an index finger to trace the contours of his chest and abs. “That was so good. I could make love to you all day.”
He laughed nervously and kissed her in response.
Guilt. Brianna crossed his mind after hearing Yesenia’s statement. Even though he and Brianna weren’t exclusive, he felt like he was betraying her. He tried to push her out of his mind to rid the heavy feeling. Eventually he and Yesenia fell asleep with their backs turned toward each other.
Franklin didn’t know what he was doing with Yesenia. She was beautiful, but he didn’t care about her. Deep down he was lonely. He wanted companionship, a partnership that Brianna was unable to give him. Sometimes he thought that being with the two of them would make up for what he wanted from one individual, but it wasn’t working that way. He was unfulfilled and the only difference between Yesenia and Brianna was that he actually cared about Brianna. Their friendship had been firm for years, but he was skating on thin ice by sleeping with someone who was on her staff. Of all the people he could be with, he felt incredibly idiotic for getting into a physical relationship with someone who worked for Brianna. His stupidity haunted him and every day he woke up telling himself that he should break things off with Yesenia for the sake of his friendship with Brianna. He just never got around to doing it.
Chapter 3
The next morning, Brianna talked about the race and looked over her speech as she rode to a rally site with Sheldon. She was concerned that her name recognition wasn’t what she wanted it to be at that point in her campaign.
“Don’t worry,” Sheldon told her repeatedly. He was ever confident that she would emerge triumphantly in the end. He had been watching her grow from unknown to known in just a month and knew that her feelings were attributable to first-time campaigning jitters.
“I’m okay.” She lied. She had had a restless night and was actually very tired, but she didn’t want it to show.
At their destination, Frank, Terrence and a few of their fraternity brothers were getting things in order for Brianna and the other invited guest speakers. She had about 15 minutes before she was due to address the crowd and took the time to look over her speech once again to memorize it as much as she could. She didn’t like reading directly from the paper because it cut down on the time she could make eye contact with the audience.
“Okay, it’s time.” Sheldon patted her on the shoulder. “Knock em’ dead, Anderson.”
She smiled and straightened out her navy blue skirt suit. “I will.” Wearing very light make-up, Brianna purposely played down her looks. She didn’t want people to think she was all beauty and no brains, but she didn’t want them to perceive her as was frumpy either. She always managed to find a proper balance.
The audience applauded after her introduction. “Thank you very much,” she said and paused briefly to glance around the room. She took in its white walls and the empty white plastic chairs in the back. A slender man wearing a black shirt and gradient red tie sat up front along with a few women and a journalist who held a recorder in one hand and a notebook in the other. She was happy to get a good turn out on a Saturday morning.
“It is a pleasure and an honor to be with you all today. This morning, we’re going to talk about change. We’re going to discuss becoming politically mature and taking control of our city.” She moved from behind the podium.
Two people walked in late.
“Now, I’m sure you all have heard about the horrific shooting and fire yesterday,” Brianna continued.
“Terrible, just terrible. We shouldn’t have to live like this!” Someone from the audience added her own comments.
“Yep!” Another person in the audience responded immediately. Murmurs and whispers began to fill the room but quieted when Brianna started speaking again.
“I know,” Brianna responded. “I watched the news just like you. And I live in Rockville just like you. We’re facing very serious problems. Problems that the current leadership has done nothing to help alleviate. Sure we’ve heard about agendas and initiatives, but I have yet to see results.”
People in the audience began to lean forward in their chairs.
“The truth is Rockville doesn’t need another band-aid, more government aid, or leaders masquerading as saviors of the poor when they really only care about themselves.” She paused. “Rockville needs a change in leadership, a change in its direction. It needs its pride restored and jobs created so that the people who live here can have a sense of dignity. An increase in jobs will equal a decrease in crime!”
“That’s right!” someone in the audience yelled.
“Together we can make the changes we need, changes that will lead us into a better future.”
People nodded in agreement and applauded. She noticed a woman in the back of the room whose face was familiar, but she couldn’t place her. They locked eyes for a moment, but Brianna stayed focused on her speech.
“Tell me, how many of you voted in the last election?” Brianna looked around the room, mentally noting that only about a third of those present raised their hands. Without wasting time, she resumed.
“The media says that hopelessness has stifled Rockville. They say that despair has it by the throat. People say the city is forgotten, especially the 5th District, that it’s run down, too riddled with poverty and crime to be restored. I say that’s untrue. I say that with a change in leadership and the teaching of the importance of politics as well as the role it plays in all of our lives, the city can be restored.”
“That’s right, that’s right!” someone shouted.
Brianna made eye contact with one audience member after another as they applauded her. The response she was getting reminded her of that what she was accustomed to hearing in church. She scanned the room, her eyes meeting again with those of the woman all the way in the back.
“Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of and manipulated. You’ve got to care enough about change to vote. Your vote does count. Your voice can be heard…” Brianna continued with her speech until she had everyone in the room riled up, awakening their emotions, and embedding in their ears her political views and daring them to vote—for her of course.
After she stepped off the stage, she made her way towards the back of the room, meeting with people individually, shaking hands, accepting compliments, and answering questions. With a closer look she knew exactly who the familiar-looking woman was. Her name was Pamela Thompson and she was the recently appointed treasurer of Rockville. She had taken over after her predecessor had been busted for illegal activity and ousted from his post. Pamela seized Brianna’s attention.
“Hi.” Pam had walked over to Brianna and introduced herself. “Pamela Thompson, city treasurer.”
Brianna nodded and they shook hands. “Brianna Anderson, soon to be councilwoman.” Their handshake was coupled with a soft gaze that lasted seconds longer than it should have. Their release lingered.
“So I heard.” Pamela smiled. “Wonderful speech.”
“Thank you.” Brianna grinned while admiring how beautiful Pam was. She noticed that Sheldon was handing literature to people as they walked out. The room was nearly empty.
“Well, I have to get going. I just wanted to formally introduce myself.” Pamela reached in her purse and handed Brianna a business card. “If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”
Butterflies. Brianna felt a whir inside that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. “Thanks.” She didn’t know what else to say. It could have been subtle flirting or it could have been networking. It could have been nothing. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”
“Likewise.” Pamela smiled and turned to walk out.
Brianna and Sheldon were among the last to leave the building. On the way to her next stop, she was only half listening to him. Her mind traveled back to Pamela. Brianna was intrigued by the woman who appeared to be older than she was but beautiful no less. Pam had been wearing a soft pink silk blouse under a light grey pant suit. Her smile was flawless.
“And don’t let Smith get to you, Anderson.” Sheldon was saying something about Colleen. “Just smile and be polite.”
“I will.” She snapped back into focus, redirecting her thoughts back to her campaign.
Chapter 4
“Okay, thanks for the heads up. I’ll talk to you soon,” Pamela said before hanging up. She dropped her cordless phone on the floor outside of her bathtub. After leaving the rally where she had heard Brianna speaking, she went back home. She wasn’t sure why she went or why she flirted with Brianna. She wasn’t sure of anything. Ever since Pamela had heard of Brianna, she’d been interested in her, and after seeing her up close and in person, Pam’s attraction had been solidified. She’d been ignoring her feelings of desire for women for years, but every day it became harder and she didn’t want to do it anymore.
A trail of Pam’s clothes lay on the floor, and the medicine cabinet sat with its mirrored door slightly ajar. Alternating guitar and piano solos slow danced over a bluesy rhythm as she closed her eyes and relaxed, trying for the moment, to forget about work. Serenity began to embrace her as she lay in the large bathtub with a blanket of bubbles floating above her skin and salt crystals beneath her. Lavender-scented candles illuminated the room, and the temperature of the water was just hot enough to be soothing. I wonder if she’s involved… Pam let her mind wander to Brianna. It had been nearly fourteen years since she had shared an intimate encounter with a woman. She’d been suppressing her desire for the sake of living a normal life and not giving her preaching father a heart attack. She sighed with a mix of sadness and enchantment, trying to clear her mind.
The pressure that she’d been feeling for months in her new position as city treasurer was finally gone. The revenue and cash flow reports were done. The new budget was complete, and everyone who worked under her was wholly aware of the way she wanted things to be done: honestly and accurately.
It had taken a lot of time and an unimaginable amount of energy for Pam to whip Rockville’s treasury office into shape after her predecessor’s scandal. Shortly after being appointed by the mayor and taking office, Pamela stared down the barrel of an immediate budget deficit of 140 million dollars, a cumulative budget deficit of almost 100 million dollars over five years, and a group of people who were still loyal to their former boss despite the fact that he’d left the city’s accounts in shambles. Many disliked her because of her plan to reorganize the municipal workforce, which included cutting over 500 jobs and freezing wages for three years. Even though she wasn’t popular among public sector workers, she was sure to hold her seat as treasurer because no one was running against her.
Brianna slid back into Pam’s mind. She was absolutely beautiful and had an aggressive femininity that mesmerized Pam. After meeting her in person, she had a hopeful feeling that Brianna was a closet lesbian. It was in Brianna’s eyes when they shared a gaze.
The sound of the garage door opening captured Pam’s attention. Eric was home. She sighed and used her toes to pull the stopper out of the tub to release the water and stepped out. Minutes later he entered the house.
“Pam?” She heard his baritone voice as he came up the stairs. She should have met him at the door, but she didn’t feel like it.
Slipping into her white terrycloth bathrobe, she took a deep breath before answering semi-enthusiastically. “Hi, honey!” She smiled when she saw him and walked into his arms. “I just got out of the tub.”
Before he could respond, his cell phone rang. She hoped he would take the call but he didn’t. He silenced it and hugged her tighter, and lifting her off her feet before kissing her deeply. “I missed you.” Eric smelled good but needed a shave. His stubbly beard scratched her cheek as they embraced.
“Me too.” She planted a soft, dry kiss on his cheek before slipping out of his hug.
He smiled. “Oh, I almost forgot. This is for you.” He pulled a long, thin box out of his pants pocket.
Pamela’s eyes widened in surprise when she opened it and saw a sparkling pink sapphire and diamond bracelet inside, “What’s this for?”
“For putting up with my not being around much.”
Still smiling about her gift, she nodded positively. “Okay.”
“What’s for dinner?”
Dinner? She hadn’t cooked anything and was a little surprised that she hadn’t remembered to. Her mind was too wrapped around Brianna to remember to go through the motions with Eric. She suggested that they go out to eat.
“Sure, we can do that.” Eric continued and gave her a devilish smile. “What are the chances of your letting me have dessert before we go out?” He pulled her close to him again.
She recognized the yearning look in his hazel eyes and the sultry tone of his voice. She felt the solidness of his manhood against her as they held each other. Pamela was in the mood to be intimate but not with him. She couldn’t say no though. He’d been gone for more than a week, and it would seem odd for her to deny him. She consented.
---
In Cherry Hill, Brianna was laying against Franklin’s smooth, muscular chest as they watched a kung-fu film on his 50-inch plasma television. She’d gone to his place to tell him that she wanted to put an end to their sexual encounters but found it too difficult. When she arrived, he’d had dinner on the table and they ended up talking about work rather than their personal lives. A part of her wished she would have just done it over the phone, but she wanted to do it in person. She didn’t want to cut him off completely; she just wanted to go back to being ‘just friends.’
They’d both dozed off by the time the movie was over. The credits had finished rolling and the screen was black. The only sounds were the slight crackling of the gas fireplace and the quiet swish of water from his wall-mounted aquarium. A phone call startled them out of their sleep.
Frank reached for the telephone. “Hello?” He answered quietly. The muscles in his stomach tightened when he heard the voice on the other end.
Brianna woke up and got off him. She leaned back and stretched. As a yawn escaped her, she barely paid attention to him. She wanted to lie down in a bed.
“Yeah. Okay…sure.” Franklin tried to keep his responses to Yesenia brief. He held the phone close to his ear to minimize the chance of Brianna hearing another woman’s voice on the other end. “No problem. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. All right, bye.”
Brianna became alert. She could tell from the way he spoke that it was another woman. She knew that much from his apparent guilt and silent uneasiness. She also assumed that he was sleeping with this woman. Frank’s face was flush with panic. Brianna’s initial reaction was anger, but she ingested it along with the thick, bitter taste of jealousy.
Trying to keep her composure, she inched away from him on the couch. “I um…I have a long day ahead of me, Frank.” She stood up. “I’m going to head home.” Brianna bit her bottom lip in self-restraint. Reality stung her. She knew she could be wrong, but her gut told her she was right.
“Wait, why don’t you just stay the night, Bri?”
Because you’re sleeping with someone else and it’s taking all I have not to react to what I just found out! She exhaled. “No, I kind of want to be in my own bed.”
Her response threw him off. He didn’t know what to say. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She walked toward the coat closet to retrieve her things.
Franklin followed her. He was antsy. The fact that she didn’t question the phone call made him uncomfortable. Granted, he didn’t want drama, but silence seemed to be worse. At least he would know what she was thinking if she questioned him.
Brianna turned to face him as she slipped into her jacket. “I’ll call you, Frank.” She gave him a thin smile and adjusted her clothes. “Okay?”
“All right.” He leaned in to kiss her but she moved back, avoiding his lips.
“I’ll call you,” she said flatly and turned to leave.
Brianna got halfway to her car before tears started to fall. She was hurt. She was angry. She was jealous, and most of all, she was in denial. She kept walking to her car and tried to keep it together in case Franklin was watching her, which he probably was. She was aching. By the time she sat behind the wheel, she could no longer act as if she wasn’t bothered. The tears flowed.
“How could he do this to me? How could he cheat?” She started her car. “Him? It’s not his fault! We’re not even a couple! Why did I do this to me?” Brianna cried and continued to ramble to herself as she drove home. She was upset with Franklin but angrier at herself. A funnel cloud of emotions whirled inside of her as she wondered how she could be hurt by a man with whom she didn’t even want to continue sleeping. It was the betrayal. He had to have known that sleeping with another woman would hurt her regardless of whether or not they’d set boundaries, didn’t he? They were friends. Wasn’t that enough of a reason for him to consider her feelings? She was furious!
By the time she got into her condo, there were three messages from Frank on her cell phone voice mail and two on her home service asking her to call him. He felt guilty and she knew it. She knew that she was guilty as well. If she cut things off with him now, there was no way to tell how things would unfold over the remaining weeks until Election Day. Though difficult, she decided to subordinate her feelings for the time being and remain focused on her career.
Chapter 5
Brianna ignored the revelation that there was another woman and didn’t bring it up to Frank the next evening. She used all of her strength to keep her personal problems separate from her campaign and stay focused on work.
“Thank you.” The attendees gave her a round of applause after she completed her speech at a community center.
She stepped away from the podium and posed for a photograph with Franklin and Terrence. They held an endorsement they helped her get from a local coalition of professionals and entrepreneurs who wanted to see Rockville thrive again.
After taking the photo, Brianna shook everyone’s hand and then the three of them made a swift exit from the main room and into an alcove. Her chemistry with Frank was off, but she didn’t say anything, neither did he. He reeked of anxiety, however.
“Just excuse me for a moment. I need to go to the ladies room.” Brianna was angry with Frank. She had worked hard all night to conceal it and was struggling to continue. She turned from them quickly and walked away before her feelings pushed themselves to the surface.
Sheldon walked into the alcove and greeted the guys. “Thanks, fellas. We really appreciate all of the support you’ve given.”
“It’s no problem at all. We believe in her,” Franklin responded.
Sheldon’s cell phone rang. “Excuse me,” he said stepping away to take the call in private.
“What’s up with you tonight?” Terrence questioned Frank as soon as they were alone.
“Nothing, why?”
“Something is up. You’re not yourself.”
“Nah, I’m fine, man.” Franklin tapped his hand against his leg.
“Did something happen between you and Brianna?” He quizzed. “Now that I think about it, something is the matter with both of you.”
“T, I’m cool.”
Brianna emerged, walking toward them while checking her PDA.
“Let it go, man.” Frank spoke quietly as she approached.
Terrence wasn’t satisfied. “Yeah, I’ll let it go for now.”
Sheldon walked back over to them. “Something came up at home that I have to tend to.”
“Okay.” Brianna was caught off guard by his abruptness.
“You did an excellent job tonight as usual, Anderson. I’ll see you in the morning,” Sheldon added.
“See you,” she responded.
Sheldon left and shortly after, Brianna, Frank and Terrence exited the building.
“Terrence, thanks again for all of your help. I appreciate it more than you know.” Brianna smiled at him.
“You’re welcome.” He paused before speaking again. “Well, I have to get going too. Frank, I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
“All right, later, man.”
“Thank you too, Franklin.” Brianna only looked at him for a second before gazing away.
“Bri, you know I’d do anything for you.”
There was an awkward silence. He wanted to talk about the previous night but was afraid to. He knew that she knew that something was going on, but he wasn’t sure of what would happen if the truth were spoken aloud.
“I’m pretty tired.” Brianna broke the quiet.
“Want to call it a night?”
“Yeah, I think that’s best.” She stepped closer to him and put her arms loosely around him. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
The two went their separate ways. Brianna tried her best to put him out of her mind. She took deep breaths and held back tears as she drove home.
“Keep it together,” she told herself.
Where is your self-respect—your personal morals? Her inner voice tormented her as she thought about her decision to remain silent about Frank’s pseudo-infidelity. It was not uncommon for Brianna to sacrifice her feelings for her career. It was becoming an ugly pattern in her life that only she could see. It stared her in the face every morning when she looked in the mirror and was an embarrassing reflection of reality.
As she pulled into her parking space her mind wandered to Pamela, the city treasurer who had introduced herself to Brianna over a week ago. She thought about calling her but was unsure. What would she say?
A few moments went by with Brianna sitting in her parked car. Slumped forward with her arms draped across the steering wheel, she stared up at a beautiful, starlit sky before deciding to go up to her condo.
With every step, Brianna felt a bit more compelled to call Pamela. She wasn’t sure if it was courage, stupidity, loneliness, or pent-up frustration that was making her want to do it, but soon after she got in the door, she found herself rifling through her purse to locate Pam’s card. She found it and stared at it. It had a cell phone number on it.
“I need a drink first,” she mumbled to herself as she walked into the kitchen.
As she poured herself a glass of red wine, she tried to come up with a good reason for calling. I’ll just ask her to lunch…to talk politics. It seemed easiest to throw her an invitation about work. She picked up the phone and dialed quickly before she lost her nerve. She paced while waiting for an answer. She took another sip of wine and continued to pace.
“Pamela Thompson.” Her feminine voice filled the line.
Brianna couldn’t speak immediately. Nervous silence halted a response.
“Hello?” Pamela spoke again.
“Hi,” Brianna cleared her throat. “Pamela.”
“Yes, this is she. May I ask whose calling?”
“This is Brianna…Ander—”
“Anderson, city council hopeful.” Pam helped Brianna find her words.
“Yes, it’s me.”
They shared a laugh at the awkward beginning of the call.
“Call me Pam.”
“Okay, Pam then. I was just wondering what your schedule looked like this week…” She wanted to hurry up and put the invitation on the table. “...if you have a free afternoon for lunch?”
In her living room, Pam leaned back on the love seat and smiled. She had been hoping to hear from the budding politician since giving Brianna her contact information. “I’m not looking at my schedule at the moment, but I’m sure I can make time. Is there anything in particular that you want to talk about over lunch?”
“Oh…just work, politics… maybe your experience if you don’t mind sharing.”
“I don’t.”
“Great, so should I call you tomorrow to set the date?” Brianna beamed! She felt like a teenager.
“Yes, you can call me in the morning.”
“All right. I’ll do that.”
They both knew their conversation should close, but there was a dwelling silence on the line as neither of them wanted to initiate the end of the call.
“Do you have to hang up now?” Pam picked it back up this time.
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, we can talk now if you want.”
“Okay.” Brianna sat down, sipped her wine and smiled.
“So…your campaign seems to be going great. I do wish you the best in your bid.”
“Thank you.”
“Council could use a woman like you.”
“Really,” Brianna said, thinking about Pam’s statement. “What’s a woman like me?”
“Confident, intelligent, poised, focused and strong.” Pam spoke matter-of-factly. And beautiful.
“Thanks.” Brianna had not been prepared for the rush of compliments but accepted them with ease. “You’ve certainly done a great job as the new treasurer. I can only imagine the pressure you faced taking over after someone who was eclipsed by a scandal.”
“Thank you. It’s not an easy job,” Pam said. “So what would you like to know about me?”
“Anything you’re willing to share…”
“Hmm. That’s pretty broad, but I can start with the basics. Of course you know I’m the city treasurer and though extremely difficult, I do love my job. I’m married with no children…”
Brianna chuckled. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interview you.”
“It’s all right. What about you, Anderson?” She paused. “Brianna, sorry I’m not accustomed to calling you by your first name.”
“It’s okay. To answer your question though, my career has a hundred percent of my focus right now. A seat on council is something I want very badly.”
“I’m sorry, Brianna. Can you hold on for a second?”
“Sure.” Brianna could hear the muted sounds of Pam and a man, her husband, she assumed.
The two women didn’t get a chance to converse much longer as Pam brought their phone call to an end when she returned to the line.
“Hi, my husband is home. I should go now. It was a pleasure speaking with you, Anderson.”
“Likewise, so I’ll call you in the morning to schedule lunch.” Her statement sounded more like a question.
“You’ve got it.”
“All right. Have a good evening.”
“You too.”
Brianna hung up the phone feeling enchanted by the possibilities of what could happen with Pam. She knew that her thoughts were jumping far ahead of where they should be after an initial conversation, but she had a gut feeling that told her that Pam was closeted, and like Brianna, was deeply yearning to be with a woman. The thought of being emotionally involved and intimate with a woman again produced vibrations within Brianna that she hadn’t experienced in almost a decade. She closed her eyes and exhaled.
“Relax,” she told herself and got up to put away the glass and bottle of wine. “Just relax.”
Her mind was racing despite her wishes. Besides Pam, Franklin was on her mind. She was still hurt by his actions and wanted to end things with him. “Just tell him you want to be friends,” she said to herself.
As the words fell from her lips the telephone rang. The caller ID showed it was Franklin. She stared at the phone as it rang, debating if she wanted to deal with him at that moment. She bit her bottom lip and thought about it. Do it and get it over with!
Brianna decided to send the call to voice mail, promising herself that she would tell him the following day. She didn’t want to go to bed on a depressed note after being stirred up by her conversation with Pam. She was looking forward to calling Pam in the morning and setting up their lunch date, and she’d much rather have Pam be the last thing on her mind than Frank. She replaced the cordless phone on the hook, turned off the lights, and retired for the night.
Chapter 6
The next morning started off horribly.
“This is a disgrace!” Brianna threw the daily newspaper into a nearby garbage can. Her eyes were intense as she anxiously paced her headquarters.
“Don’t worry, Anderson.” Sheldon sat perched on the edge of his seat. “The race is still close and you have a very good shot at winning.
Brianna exhaled and rubbed her forehead. Her opponent had just unleashed a new wave of below-the-belt ads.
“I didn’t come this far to lose.” She glanced in the trash at the cartoon of her being depicted as an unnoticed, curious child who wasn’t tall enough to sit at a big table with her opponent and others members of city council. “I’ve got to work smarter,” she said before glancing outside a corner window. She could see an American flag waving in the ashen sky over Rockville—the home of dirty politics.
Sheldon walked toward her. “All you need is one more vote than she gets. Besides, I have more brainpower in one testicle than Smith and her campaign manager together. Don’t worry, we’re going to make it so the majority of the voters in the district trust you.”
“How, Shel? There’s a chance that I won’t—”
“Are you questioning your candidacy?” He cut her off. “This can’t be the Anderson I’ve been working with. No, hell no!”
“No, it’s just….I don’t know.” She walked back over to her desk and sat down.
Sheldon followed her. “Is everything okay, Anderson? I mean, besides the obvious.”
“Everything is fine.” She sighed.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Dressed in a light blue skirt suit and white blouse, she leaned back in her chair and stared at the wall calendar. She wore small teardrop-shaped pearl earrings and a matching single string around her neck. “We have to leave soon, don’t we?”
“Yes. Time spent in here is a big waste for you. You need to be out meeting as many people as possible.”
One of her volunteers walked in. “Excuse me, Brianna?”
“Yes, Asad?”
He handed her loose pages. “I finished making the corrections to your speech for you.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said and turned and walked out.
Brianna looked at her watch and spoke to Sheldon. “I just need a few minutes to gather myself and then I’ll be ready to go.”
“Brianna?” Yesenia interrupted her this time.
“Yes?”
“I’m not feeling well. I think I’m going to call it a day if it’s all right with you.”
“That’s fine, Yesenia. Take care of yourself.”
“I will, thanks.”
Yesenia walked out and Sheldon’s eyes followed her. He was distracted by her.
“Shel?” Brianna demanded his attention.
“Yes, sorry.”
“Just give me a few minutes, okay?”
“All right. Oh, by the way, I have someone who is going to film your speech tonight so we can upload it to YouTube.”
“That’s great, thanks. Hopefully that can reach some of the younger residents and get them to pay attention to the election. Can you think of something else to reach older people?”
“I’m already working on it. I told you not to fret. I’ll be back in a little bit.” Sheldon winked and walked out.
Her mood seemed to lighten when she was alone. She began thinking of Pam and decided to call her. The phone rang continuously before going to voice mail. Brianna left her a brief message gently reminding Pam about setting a lunch date and an open invitation for a callback before hanging up.
She placed the phone down and looked over the pages that Asad had given her.
“Hey.” Sheldon re-entered smelling of cigarettes.
“Hey.”
“Are you ready to head out?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” she said and grabbed her belongings. She had a full day of appearances and was scheduled to deliver a speech to the local chapter of the League of Women Voters.
It was a hazy day in Rockville. Driving down random streets one could see a never-ending maze of abandoned buildings, many of which had burnt-out frames and graffiti scrawled across them—windows busted out, replaced by wood or nothing at all. The picture of poverty was painted on the faces of the residents as they walked along trash-littered streets, some of which were lined by old kitchen appliances. Vacant spaces in between homes housed knee-high grass, random pieces of dirty old furniture, and stray dogs. The district was a mix of brick row houses, wooden shacks, and every now and then, decent houses not surrounded by rubbish but having iron bars around the porches and windows for the safety of the owners.
Brianna peered out of the window silently as Sheldon drove. She focused on her tasks for the day and tried to think of strategies to stay ahead in the race.
---
Later that day Franklin met with Yesenia at his home. Dressed in a crisp, white dress shirt and navy slacks, he sat on the corner of the desk in his home office. His tie was loosened about his neck.
“I can’t do this anymore, Yesenia. I’m sorry.”
“Why? What do you mean you can’t do this anymore? What’s wrong?” She was clearly unhappy with his statement.
“I just can’t. It doesn’t feel right. It’s not you, it’s me.”
“Oh, give me a break! It’s Brianna!”
“Well, yes and no. Anyway, I don’t want to fight about this.” He stood up.
“I’m not fighting! I’m just saying…” she walked over to him. “I don’t want to stop seeing you, Frank. Why is it such a big deal? She doesn’t even know! We’ve been doing this all month and all of a sudden it’s not right?” Yesenia stormed away from him and walked toward the door, but he didn’t follow her. “Just like that huh, Frank? You just use me and leave me?”
“I did not use you! You came on to me!”
“Well, if you’re so concerned with Brianna’s feelings, why are you sleeping with me?” She walked back over to him.
“I don’t know. It was a mistake.”
“Mistake my ass. What kind of mistake happens over and over, huh Papi? That’s bullshit!”
He knew it was bullshit but wanted to rid himself of the guilt. There were many reasons for ending it, but he didn’t think she needed to know all of them.
“Come on, Frank.” She touched his face and kissed him. “I don’t want to tie you down or anything. I just want to continue experiencing you.” She got closer to him, kissed him again, and groped him. “Please.”
He cleared his throat. “Yesenia…”
“Shhh.” She kissed him and unzipped his slacks. “Don’t talk.”
Franklin felt her soft, warm hand reaching into his boxers and beginning to stroke him into an erection. He took a step back. “No, come on, Yesenia. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Tell me you don’t like how it feels and I’ll stop.”
“I…”
“You can’t admit it so why mess up a good thing, baby?”
He closed his eyes, turning to steel in her hands against his will. “No!” Frank regained control of himself and pulled her up. “I can’t. We shouldn’t. I’m sorry. Stop it.”
“You know what? Fuck it. This so stupid! I don’t even know why I’m begging you. It’s your loss, Frank. It’s your loss!” She shoved him.
He stood stiffly, staring at her with unwavering eyes that were strong enough to eliminate the need for him to dignify her violent gesture.
She rolled her eyes and started to leave.
“Yesenia,” he called.
“What?”
Quickly humbled, he swallowed hard before speaking. “You’re not going to say anything to Brianna are you?” He was worried.
She sucked her teeth.
“Well?”
“No, Frank. As much as I would like tell all, I’m not going to because I don’t want my business out there like that. I’m thinking about my career too.” Her honesty was soiled by the contempt in her voice.
Frank nodded. “Okay.”
“Yeah, whatever, Frank.” Yesenia sighed and left.
He was fatigued and annoyed and had a rock hard erection adding to the problem. A part of him wished he let her please him before telling her to leave, but he was tired of going through the motions and knew that it would only make things more complicated by sleeping with her again.
He decided to take matters into his own hands for the sake of relieving himself. Frank pulled out a magazine from a stack that he kept neatly tucked away at the bottom of a file cabinet of his home office and went into the bedroom to finish what Yesenia had started.
Hours later, Frank was awakened by a ringing telephone. Half dressed, he stumbled out of bed and clumsily looked around his room for his cordless phone.
“Hello?” He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. He had slept past 7:00.
“Hey, Frank.” It was Terrence.
“What’s up, man?”
“Not much. I’m bored.”
Franklin chuckled. “What do you expect me to do about it?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I have work to do, but I just don’t feel like it. Do you want to go to a bar, have a couple of beers, and shoot pool or something?”
“Yeah, why not? There’s nothing going on over here anyway.” Franklin walked over to his closet to look for something to wear. Now awake, he was relaxed despite the earlier drama with Yesenia.
“All right,” Terrence said. “Let’s meet up at Golden Cue.”
“Cool. How about catching up in a half an hour or so?” Frank pulled a pair of jeans out of his closet.
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Okay, see you then.”
“Later,” said Terrence.
Frank hung up the phone and changed clothes. A night out of the house would do him some good, he decided. He knew that if he stayed in, he’d either work until late in the night or sit up thinking about his relationship problems. He didn’t want to do either.
---
In Rockville, Brianna was wrapping up a speech to an interactive audience of women. She felt energized and confident as she gave her closing remarks.
“What’s happening in Rockville is critical for us. It’s bad for our health. It’s disastrous for our children and the next generation. We are becoming lost and forgotten, stuck in bleak insomnia, never experiencing the American Dream. We have to take a stand!”