Published By
Ria Goff
Worcester, MA
Copyright © 2007 Ria Goff
ASIN : B001F0RSWW
“Smile” the word in itself is usually followed by laughter and the happy sound of a clicking camera. This word was said under angry breath and made her skin crawl. Fear could come so easily out of no where and creep up your skin with its icy fingers. She forced it back, pasted on her best fake smile and waited for the click that was sure to follow. She knew, she knew in the growing ball of sickening fear that was spreading in the pit of her stomach but for now she chose to ignore it. As a waiter passed she grabbed another glass of champagne and dried to rinse the bile from her throat. This wasn’t how she had imagined her life. She never thought growing up between corn fields and cows that she would one day end up in a big city afraid to swallow the wrong way. She carefully drew in her breath and hid the pain that shot up her arm when she was grabbed and led from the room to an adjoining balcony. She was positioned carefully so no one could see her face and the woman who stood before her smiled convincingly. No one would know that the conversation between them could cause the stomachs of the dead to churn.
“Do you enjoy provoking me?” the question was quiet, almost whispered and the smile was all too real. Again fear crawled up her spine; obediently she shook her head no and awaited her master’s dismissal. She stepped forward, placing her lips just below her ear and very gently told her
“You see those rocks down there below us?” fear rose to choke her as she nodded her head.
“You ever pull this shit again…let’s just say the coast guard will have a hell of a time putting you back together after they’ve collected you off of them” she continued to smile as she moved past her, back into the crowd. Remaining on the balcony, she stepped forward to look over the edge and shuttered violently. Images of her past quickly flashed through her mind. She had been so happy, so young. Now at 29 she had never felt older. For one brief moment she stared down over the edge of that jagged cliff and wished, really wished, that she had the strength to throw herself over that edge before someone else did it for her. Turning back to the crowd now she pasted on her best fake smile. Brushing away her fear and pain like a pro and rejoined the party. No one would know how she suffered, no one could tell. Eyes connected with hers and burned there warning into her own, she nodded her understanding and did her job as she mingled with every person in the room. It wasn’t until after 2am that the crowd began to thin. She hadn’t seen her other half in over and hour and suspected she was upstairs entertaining a woman. One she would never be able to ask about and still walk away from the answer. Her hands shook at the thought. Her heart ached over all of it. She loved her but she knew that if it was the same on both sides then this aching fear would subside, all of it would go away. It pained her to know that after 8 years together she could take another to their bed. She swallowed that pain as well; making sure her smile was flawless as she spoke to the few stragglers that were still with them at just after 2:30am. She walked a few of them to the door herself after calling them a taxi. It wasn’t till she closed the door behind her and turned around to find herself alone that she realized just how much she hurt. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Above her a door opened, laughter sprinkled itself on the air and two very happy people stepped out together. Their hands were joined like lovers and their hair and clothes were wrinkled as if pulled on with haste or remorse. Pain splintered through her heart as her lover of 8 years walked her down the stairs, gently resting her hand against the curve of her back…as she had once done for her. They walked past her and paused at the door. Quietly they exchanged words and a very warm embrace. Hands slid over fabrics, wandering, touching and caressing as she sat on the couch and tried to block the image out. She watched as her lover backed this stranger up against the wall. Watched in horror as her hand trailed up her side, over her breasts then found the valley between her thighs, where she knew it would press tauntingly as it had once done to her. Hot tears threatened the corner of her eyes as the bile she had fought so hard to relieve herself of found its way back into her throat. The dress was shoved up, hips were groped and she watched as her lover lowered herself to her knees and traced this woman’s most intimate area with the tip of her tongue. The stranger met her eyes as she sat watching them and she seemed to know who she was but didn’t seem to care. Still holding her gaze she spread her legs and moaned loudly as she was speared with the other woman’s tongue. Maybe some would have enjoyed this show; maybe some would have even gotten off on it. It broke something inside her, she watched as the woman she had loved monogamously for 8 years brought another to orgasm against their front door and she said nothing. The dress was fixed, a long penetrating kiss ensued and then the stranger left, smiling over her shoulder smugly as she went. This is when the she turned around and straightened the collar of her navy dress shirt and her eyes settled upon her.
“Did you enjoy the show?” it was an accusation, as if she enjoyed seeing that. She shuttered slightly again but refused to answer her. She pretended not to watch as she stalked across the room. She felt her eyes upon her as she filled her crystal tumbler greedily with gin, drank it was blinding speed and filled it again. She didn’t even flinch when that same tumbler sailed inches past her face and shattered on the wall behind her. “I asked you a question and I expect an answer” the tone was a warning, one that had alarms going off in her head. She knew better, always knew better than to piss her off. She had done everything as perfectly as possible for 8 years, knowing if anything was slightly off she would pay for it. Tonight she was too tired to pay for it, too broken to care about the price and knew because of these things she would pay anyway. Resigned to it, she took her heels off one at a time, rubbing one foot then the other and waited another minute, thinking carefully about her answer.
“No” she said at long last, watching the eyebrows knit and the mouth take on its usual scowl.
“No, what?” her stance suggested she was ready to go 10 rounds, again her stomach curled.
“No I didn’t enjoy watching the ‘show’ as you put it. How could you do that?” she regretted the question, needed desperately the answer. The sneer was new…and one she hadn’t been ready for. Nothing good ever came out of something new with her. Icy fingers poked at the back of her neck, circled the base of her spine all the while screaming a warning that she just couldn’t seem to hear.
“Do you know what I think Cade?” she walked forward and snagged her wrist. Determined to look unshaken by the advance she kept her eyes on hers and shook her head.
“No, what do you think?” she knew moments before it happened that it was coming, she knew and she could do nothing to stop it. The hand that met her face felt like a leaded brick, knocking her backwards. She stumbled backwards over the coffee table, catching the edge of it with her calf and freed the first warm trickle of blood from her skin. She watched her circle like an animal getting ready to kill its prey and the thought had her getting back to her feet.
“Baby please” she begged as the hand was again raised, no hesitation was seen as it again came down against the side of her face. Pulled to her knees by her hair she watched with blurred eyes as she unfastened the fly of her black dress pants and stepped towards her. “Get up” the wrenching pain that followed caused a loud yelp from her as she was pulled from the floor and spun roughly around. She was dragged back to the balcony, her hands were placed roughly against the railing and she was ordered not to move. The dress she wore was ripped, thrown over the railing to float away, the way she dreamed of floating away. The thought was ripped away just as quickly as her panties were ripped and a hard object was slid inside her roughly.
“What the fuck do you think your doing?” the question was growled as she tried to get away. She fought against it as the dildo was forced into her from behind again and again. The woman behind her wielded the strap on like a weapon, pounding her mercilessly. The more she screamed and begged her to stop the harder she did it.
“I will fuck who I chose, including you, when I chose” she bit off and she pressed into her as hard as she could. She drove herself to orgasm through sheer power of owning the woman beneath her. She convulsed violently then pulled the toy from her, taking pleasure in the blood that clung to it. The woman she had called Cade collapsed onto the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. She ordered her to shut the fuck up and walked inside. Three more orders to silence herself went unheard as she continued to sob uncontrollably. After 35 minutes she couldn’t take anymore. Some people would have gone for a walk. Others would have softened and helped them from the floor, especially since they were responsible for putting them there. She was none of these people; instead she marched across the room and stopped before her. Roughly she pulled her to her feet by her hair. She met her sobbing, broken eyes and smiled at her.
“I told you they’d scrape you off the rocks” her voice laughed at her even as she was shoved over the railing. Her last thought as she tumbled through the night was happy, it was over. No matter the cost of the landing, she would never have to see her again. With anguish she found herself hitting the water, death had been so close only moments before. She heard the laughter from above her and chose to stay out of sight for as long as she had to. She listened to the footsteps of the woman she had loved for so long as she turned without a second thought of her and walked back into the house they had shared till moments before. She wished with all her might she had thought to push Toni over the railing herself. Remorse was not a new emotion for her but the burning disappointment over failing to do something violent was. The light above her finally turned off and the light it had once cast over the water was gone. Suddenly she wasn’t sure how she would guide herself back to land. She waited 15 long minutes until her eyes adjusted to the night and finally she was on her way to her new life.
She swam as hard and as fast as she could but never in her life had she been so tired. She always remembered the shore being so much closer to the house…yet after what felt like hours of swimming she had gotten no where. Her arms ached as she allowed herself to float for several moments. It only took that long to realize that in the dark she had swam the wrong way and put herself further from the shore. She swallowed the bile that climbed the back of her throat and tried to focus herself on the task at hand. Yet in her head she heard the words over and over again…maybe she would die tonight after all. A cold chill ran down her spine, then back up again as she wretched. Taken over by the will to survive, she adjusted her direction and began swimming again. She went on arm over arm for over an hour before her muscles just couldn’t take her any further. Rolling onto her back she allowed herself to float in the direction she had been swimming. Other problems were arising…the water was far too cold and she could no longer feel her feet. Also, her eyes couldn’t stay open, no matter how she fought fatigue was setting in at a very high cost. Emotional, physical and mental trauma was all too much for one night. Her eyes drifted close again and this time when they reopened she was spurting for air and choking on the water she had swallowed. There was no way…no way at all in her mind that she could survive this. It was then as the sky started to change colors in the faintest way that she heard the engine. With the little strength she had left she screamed for help. She found her voice was lacking and tried her hardest to be heard. Then as the heart sunk in her chest…she heard the sound of the engine fade away and with it she felt the life drain from her. She knew then that she would drown and there was nothing she could do. Just as she gave up and started to accept her fate she heard the voice.
“Is someone there?” her heart slammed into her ribs as she began to scream again. “Please” she called
“Please help me” the voice instructed her to keep talking, to sing a song…to just keep making noise and they would find her. She did as she was told, clamoring on and on over complete non sense. The tears she cried as strong arms closed around her and pulled her from the water, were real. She stayed with her back against the deck and cried hysterical, broken sobs for several minutes before attempting to talk at all.