Published By
Ria Goff
Worcester, MA
Copyright © 2007 Ria Goff
ASIN : B001F0RSW2
To my wife and son who have taught me that those
things in life worth having are definitely worth
waiting for. I love you both. Thank you for your
patience when I was so caught up in writing I
couldn't remember the names of anyone other than
my characters. Your faith and love mean everything
to me.
She danced on the edge of the bird bath;
around and around she went .Her head
tipped back her chestnut hair swirling out
around her. I sprawled in the grass just
watching her, laughing at her. She was
always a wild one, never caring who got
hurt, not even herself, as long as she had
fun. The alcohol had quickly gone to me
head, and from where I laid I watched
Jackie fall, as the world started to spin out
of control around me. It was like watching
an angel fall from heaven. She landed next
to me with an oomph sound and laughed.
Jackie always laughed. Everybody loved
Jackie, but I loved Jackie the most. She was
my better half, the half that did my rational
thinking. Jackie had problems, it's hard to
deny that now, so many problems. Her
biggest problem was she didn't let anyone
in, not even when she fell. Now I'm left here
in this world to deal with losing Jackie.
"The Memories come more frequent now, I
can't escape you. No matter where I turn I'm
confronted by your ghost, your life, and
lastly your death. Is this the way you wanted
things Jackie? Me left behind to cry over
you alone, in the rain? Life wasn't always
easy for us; no matter how much I loved you
I couldn't ease your pain. I tried, god knows
I tried. It's been 14 months now, and
everyday I sit and I ache, I miss you.
Nothing I do dulls that pain Jackie, nothing.
So I sit here in the grass, soaked to the very
core, by the rain, by my tears. I talk to
someone who can no longer hear me, and I
ache more. Nothing I do seems to dull the
way I feel. Do you have any clue what’s its
like to lose your one true love? No I guess
you wouldn't. That's who you where to me
Jackie, you where her, the one for me. My
one true chance at love. I'm much to young
to feel so old. Much to old to still be in love
with your ghost. I've had enough time,
everyone tells me, I should be healing, I
should be moving on, but I'm not. No I'm
really not. I keep waiting for the day when
I'll wake up, opening my eyes to find you
watching me sleep, like you always did.
When I wake up now that chair is empty.
Empty like me. I try to pick up all the
shattered pieces of myself, and move on. I
try to shake the past, the pain, the loss; it's
so hard to move on Jackie .So hard. You
where my everything. From the day we met
till the day you where gone, you where my
everything. You where taken away from me,
by a madness I don't quite understand. A
pain that darkened your soul in a way I
thank god every day that I have never felt. I
ache for the way you where pained, cry for
the way you lived without telling me. Why
didn't you ever tell me? Where you afraid to
hurt me? To make me worry about you?
Any clue would have been better my love,
any clue. So how do I do it now Jackie?
How do I pick up and move on without you?
How do I accept that the part of my life I
shared with you, and thought I would always
share with you, is over?? God I wish you
could answer me; I want to hear your voice
just one more time, the touch of your hand,
the brush, just the very brush of your lips.
Anything is better than spending the rest of
my life missing you Jackie. Anything! Don't
you get it!? You could have told me. I would
have helped, oh god baby I would have
tried. Now your gone, and nothing, no pain,
no ache, no wish, no tears can bring you
back. Nothing can change the way
everything ended now, nothing can change
the blood on my hands, the loss of my love,
the ache of my heart, my empty world.
Nothing. I guess everything I feel doesn't
compare to what you went through, how you
felt. I'm going to go home , I have to go into
our bedroom, I have to change out of my
wet clothes, and get dry clothes out of our
closet, the closet we shared Jackie .I still
sleep in our bed, still smell your perfume on
some of the clothes. I can't escape you, I
miss you so much. I'm going now, I love
you Jackie."
"Oh my god is it pouring out there!” She
threw her head back and laughed as beads
of water slipped of her hair and dripped
soundlessly to the floor. She looked so
beautiful; she had her chestnut hair pulled
up into a simple ponytail, and her blue eyes
danced in the dim light. She smelt like wild
flowers and rain, she always smelt like that,
even when the sun had been out for days,
she just had that way about her. She held the
soaked paper bag out and laughed.
“I did however, get your ice cream." She
smiled as she passed the bag over to me, and
hung her coat on the peg near the door. We
stood side by side, the paper bag dripping
on the floor in our brand new apartment.
Jackie and I had been together 5 years now.
Five of the most wonderful years of my life,
and finally we had a place of our own. The
furniture wasn't going to be delivered till the
next day, and the heat had yet to work, but
to us it was home. We had a blanket we
brought up from the trunk of the car, and
some candles. So here we sat in the dark,
side by side, covered with the smallest
blanket, sharing half melted ice cream,
ironically, in our freezing apartment. Jackie
just continued to smile, and laugh, make
jokes, and keep my humor up. The candles
finally burned out and we where left in the
dark, snuggled together on the floor under
that small blanket. Jokingly Jackie said the
blanket
"will only fit over us if I sleep on top of you"
and she did. We made love late into the
night, our cries of passion echoing off the
walls of the empty room. There was no one
who could tell us now, that we couldn't be
together, that our love wasn't real. That
night, our love had never burned so hot, or
held so bright, it lasted till morning, till we
slept content in each other's arms. We woke
with a start when the movers slammed their
meaty fists against the downstairs door,
sending us running for our clothing and
laughing when in the empty room Jackie had
somehow lost her panties. We got dressed
quickly and let the movers in, the entire time
we kept an eye out for her missing
underpants. We directed the movers in and
out of various rooms with boxes, and
furniture, the entire morning seemed to melt
away before they where done and we found
ourselves surrounded by the mountains of
boxes. The movers had been looking at us
shyly and laughing , speaking in another
language that we could not understand, and
finally as they where leaving I just had to
ask what had been the on going joke all day.
The man, Paulo, blushed slightly and at first
refused to tell me. Then finally he reached
over my head to the ceiling fan, and pulling
something down. Handing it to me while
erupting into laughter once again, in my
hands I looked down and saw Jackie's
panties. Paulo waved goodbye as I turned a
bright red color, and pulled the door closed
behind him. I turned to Jackie and as we
collapsed onto the couch in a fit of laughter
she met my eyes and in a barely audible
whisper she said:
"well at least now we know where they
went".
She made her way home walking the same
way she always did, over Dover Street,
across maple, onto West Avenue. She
walked and day dreamed, remembering
Jackie. It seemed she was always
remembering Jackie. They had been together
a long time, and everyday life had become
that, just a memory. She watched the
children play in the park, listened to their
laughter as she smiled to herself and moved
on. The rain has stopped, leaving behind a
gloriously sunny day, but all Maggie could
think of was Jackie, always Jackie. Daily
she went through the motions of living, of
waking up, getting herself ready for the day,
showering, dressing, eating, and pretending
to be alive. Exactly that, pretending, she
pretended to be happy, but her world she
knew, lacked that happy glow. It seemed to
have died with lover. She opened the small
white picket fence that marked her front
yard. She opened the gate, stooped to pick
up the evening paper and made her way up
the front steps. She unlocked the front door,
pushed it open, tossed her keys on the door
side table and shoved the door closed behind
her. She hummed as she hung up her wet
coat on the door side pegged, and paused as
her fingers brushed over Jackie's old coat.
Sometime soon, she told herself, she would
pack her clothes away, including this coat,
and give them away. Just not yet, she just
wasn't ready yet. She walked through the
foyer into the living room and pressed the
the answering machine play button in
response to its red blinking light. She smiled
as her father's voice came through the one
speaker, and turned to skim through today's
mail. She listened to the last of the messages
and made her way upstairs to put on dry
clothes. She entered the bedroom and her
heart ached as it always did, moving past the
pain she began to remove her wet clothes
and drop them on the floor, she opened a
draw, pulled on a baggy sweatshirt and
sweatpants and sat down on the edge of the
bed.
"Just come to the party Maggie, stop being
such a stubborn shit!" Gianna had called
from down the hall where she was getting
dressed. Maggie rolled her eyes and bit on
the pen cap as she looked through her
history book.
“I can't go Ge, I wish I could, but I have this
killer history exam tomorrow.” Maggie
turned the pages absently as Gianna stuck
her head into her room.
“You study far too much Mag, you need to
get out and have fun, your 18 and a
freshman in college, and this is a HUGE
party! Come on! Live a little!" Maggie
laughed and closed the book.
“Fine I'll go, but I'm staying for one drink,
just one! And then I'm coming home to
study!" Maggie smiled as Gianna handed
her a black slinky dress from the closet they
shared.
“Wear this, you look amazing in it" She
smiled and left the room. Maggie pulled off
her sweatshirt and pulled the dress on and
pulled it all the way down over her jeans
before unfastening her jeans and letting
them fall down. She gave herself a quick
look in the mirror as she stepped out of her
jeans and stepped on her sock with her other
foot to remove it, she quickly repeated the
action and took off her other sock, and
began rummaging through her bureau draw
for pantyhose. She found a pair, checked for
runs and pulled them on, pushing her feet
into black pumps she made her way into the
bathroom and squeezed in near the sink to
do her hair, her other two roommates where
also using the mirror. They laughed as they
bumped into each other.
“No one would ever believe three dyke's live
together, don't have sex, yet fight over one
mirror in the bathroom" Ge snickered as she
whacked her head against the sink when she
bent over to find something she dropped.
“We so need a bigger place" Their other
roommate Kate chimed in.
“Or perhaps just a bigger bathroom"
Maggie laughed.
"ok ladies lets go, there are a ton of single
and desperate women at this party we are
going to. Let's all try to get laid." Kate
laughed as she spoke. She was quickly met
by a series of hearty amens as all three
women finished getting ready and left the
bathroom. The each made sure the other
looked beautiful before turning off the lights
and leaving the house. They walked the 2
blocks across the college campus, to get to
the off campus housing unit where the 2nd
floor was being used as one big giant party
hall for the night. They entered the party
side by side but quickly got separated.
Maggie accepted a beer from a passing
female who seemed to be doing just that,
passing out beer. Then she made her way
into a corner and sat down alone. Across the
room a girl looked over at Maggie and
smiled. Maggie absently smiled back,
remembering she just had to have one drink
and she could get out of here. The girl
stared for a few more minutes while talking
to someone, who must have been a friend,
cause they hugged as they parted, then she
made her way over to Maggie as quickly as
she could. She was cute, short chestnut hair,
cut in a way that highlighted her already
amazing eyes. Her blue eyes sparkled as she
answered greetings and stopped to accept
another beer on her way across the room.
She did it all with grace, the hellos and the
hand shakes, she smiled. Yet kept moving, as
if somehow she was being drawn to where
Maggie sat. Finally she stood before Maggie
and smiled, pointing at the empty seat next
to her, and motioning over the music,
Maggie laughed and motioned her to sit
down. The girl leaned in real close after
sitting down and said
"I've met you before, do you remember?"
Maggie smiled, but shook her head no,
certain they had never met before.
"ok it was early September, and everyone
was moving into the dorms, when your Dad
dropped you off. I was the girl that wasn't
watching where I was going, and made you
drop your box in the student stairwell" She
smiled and leaned back.
"Oh my god, yes, we have met then!"
Maggie laughed.
“Yes, I'm the immature moron that needs to
learn to walk with her eyes open" The girl
laughed and raised her beer to her lips as
Maggie blushed.
“I’m so sorry about that!, I have this bad
habit of saying really stupid things when I'm
upset, I didn't want to go here for school.”
Maggie explained while peeling the label off
her bottle.
“It’s ok, you see, I was busy checking you
out, and didn't watch where I was going"
She held out her hand,
"I'm Jackie”.
” Maggie." She said and extended her hand.
The sparks that met her palm as their hands
connected shocked her. She shrugged it off,
and looked away, but Jackie had yet to
release her hand.
“I find it hard to get to know someone when
you can't even hear yourself think." Jackie
yelled over the newest rock ballad blaring
from the speakers, that seemed to be
everywhere.
“I know what you mean, I'm finishing this
beer and I'm leaving." Maggie yelled back.
“Let’s leave now" Jackie pulled her to her
feet, took both their beer bottles and placed
them on a nearby table. She then took
Maggie's hand again and lead her from the
party. Once they got outside they walked
side by side quietly for some time.
“I grew up two towns over, there's a really
beautiful lake behind my house, and no one
is home." Jackie didn't flinch as she spoke
but steered Maggie to her motorcycle.
“You wanna see it?" She asked as she
shoved the extra helmet into Maggie's hands
then helped her fasten it. Maggie laughed
and climbed on the back of the bike.
“See I was supposed to study, but somehow,
the lake seems more important." Jackie
laughed and kicked the bike to life.
“We met one more time before that day in
the stairwell by the way" Maggie called over
the roar of the bike. Jackie tipped her head
to think, but came up empty. Maggie
laughed and only said
"You shall see" as they took off from the
curb, leaving the party, and the life Maggie
has known, behind in a heap. The ride took
less than 10 minutes, they rolled to a stop in
the driveway, and Jackie cut the motor.
Maggie removed her helmet and climbed off
the bike. She seemed to know her way down
the path to the lake, without Jackie showing
her, she wound her way down the path to the
fallen log by the side of the lake, and sat
down. Jackie followed her, a little confused
by how Maggie new the way so well, and
dropped down on the log next to her.
“You been here before?" Jackie asked as
she stared out at the water.
“Yes I have, three summers ago when your
family bought this house. You got into a
fight with your mother and came down here
to cool off. In the lake there was a very cute"
She stopped to smile
”very naked female swimming around. You
watched her for a while, sitting right here on
this very log, not making a sound, not saying
a word. But she knew you where there. She
swam for another 20 minutes or so. Then
she climbed out of the water, and you passed
her a crimson colored towel from this log,
and she slowly, painfully dried herself off in
front of you." Maggie blushed a little, but
moved on.
“You stood and walked to me, pressed your
chest against my, I'm sorry, her own, and
you kissed her. It was her very first kiss with
another woman." Maggie's voice trailed off.
Jackie had listened to her speak without a
sound. Now she met her eyes.
"You’re her, the girl I met, the girl I kissed,
the girl I searched for till I went away to
college." She laughed.
"You look so different now, so much older."
Jackie looked stunned.
"I was your first kiss?" She smiled at the
prospect. Maggie smiled.
"That kiss, changed my whole life, I realized
why I was so different, why I never liked
boys, why I had no real friends that where
girls. I grew up on the next block, after that
kiss, I couldn't swim here anymore. I was
too scared by all you woke up in me."
Maggie laughed.
"It sounds cheesy I know."
"No No, not at all, I looked for you all
summer, and the following year I thought ,
because I re-lived that day so many times,
that I had imagined you." Jackie smiled.
"But your real, maybe this is fate?"
"Maybe it is" Maggie returned her smile.
Jackie leaned in slowly, and brushed her
lips lightly over Maggie's lips. Maggie
sighed, and pulled Jackie back towards her.
"I should have done this then." She pulled
Jackie back to her lips, and deepened the
kiss. Jackie murmured something about
going for a swim and stood up. Maggie
watched as she peeled off her clothes and
dropped them into a messy pile on the log.
Jackie turned to her, fully nude, and smiled
tauntingly before she dove into the water.
Maggie cocked her head to one side, and
thought for a moment, before standing and
removing her own clothes and tossing them
in a pile next to Jackie's. She walked slowly
into the water, locking her gaze with
Jackie's and felt the heat travel through her
veins. The water was cold, but they both
where both plenty warm. Jackie didn't move,
but was still in the water the entire time her
eyes never left Maggie's. For a moment it
was like neither of them had to speak a
word,.Maggie moved further into the water
and began making her way to Jackie's side,
where once again, she pulled her against
her chest, and brought their lips together.
They stayed pressed against each other,
their tongues traveling slowly over and
against each other's. Jackie moved her
backwards through the water slowly into a
spot where a weeping willow tree's branches
hung low. The water now barely brushed
over their upper thighs,the half stood half
laid against the soft earth. Jackie's fingers
traced Maggie's inner thigh, pausing to play
with every sensitive spot along the way as
their mouths meld-ed together. Maggie
reached down to slow her hand, then
Jackie's tongue and teeth found a sensitive
spot at the base of her throat, she released
her hand as her head fell back to give her
full access, her pulse drummed in her ears,
her blood screamed, and it all felt so good.
Maggie caught her breath as Jackie slipped
her middle finger inside her, she arched her
back a little and rocked back and forth as
her finger slipped in and out of her, and
there mouths met, released, and met again.
The rocking grew more hasty, the moans
escaped her throat, and she released as the
walls of her pussy sucked Jackie's finger
deeper within. She trembled and lowered
her cheek against Jackie's shoulder as sob
escaped now. Jackie pulled her up and
looked in her eyes as tears leaked from her
eyes.
"Did I hurt you?" Jackie asked looking
clearly upset. Maggie shook her head no
and hugged Jackie to her.
"Yet another first for me, with you." Is what
she whispered into Jackie's shoulder as she
kissed it. Jackie leaned back and met her
eyes.
"You've never had a woman touch you like
that?" Maggie shook her head no, opened
her mouth to speak, stopped, then tried
again.
"I've never let another woman touch me, not
since the day we kissed, it's foolish really."
She looked away then.
"No, its sweet, I just wish I had known, I'd
have made love to you more appropriately."
She smiled sheepishly at Maggie.
"Well, I have no plans for the rest of the
night" Maggie laughed. Jackie laughed
again.
"I thought you had to study?" Jackie
asked."I” Maggie's voice was a purr
“I have to study you." Maggie smiled. Jackie
took her hand and led her from the water
towards the log, and their clothes. Maggie
bent to get dressed, but Jackie just picked
them all up, and smiled.
"No need to put them on, once we get in the
house, they'd just be in the way." She locked
eyes with Maggie again, and led her to the
back door of the house. She led Maggie
upstairs to the bathroom, and turned the
shower on, adjusting the temperature she
22
stepped under the flow, and reached for her.
Stepping under the water with Jackie facing
her, she felt slightly foolish.
"This is going to be a night with many firsts
for me." Maggie spoke softly. Jackie nodded
yes, and reached for the soap.
"Can I ask, why you chose me to be your
first?" Jackie asked as she began to run the
soap over her own chest.
"No woman has ever looked at me, the way
you always have." Maggie said reaching for
the soap she turned Jackie around and
washed her back.
"How do I look at you?" Jackie asked as she
turned to rinse herself
"Like I'm the only woman you've ever seen,
and ever wanna see." Jackie took the soap
and began washing Maggie.
"I have to admit something, I've never, been
with anyone, male of female either." Jackie
said, turning Maggie and washing her back
as she had done for her.
"Then , same question, why me?" Jackie
paused for a moment, then kissed her.
"Why you?" She paused again, then met her
eyes.
"because, since that first time at the lake, I
became a believer." She said."A believer in
what?" Jackie smiled, and then cleared her
throat.
"It's dumb, you will laugh." "I promise I
won't laugh." Maggie smiled slightly, and
meant it."ok, then I'll tell you." Jackie
sucked in a big breath, and met her eyes
once again.
"The day at the lake, you where my first kiss,
and for a moment, I believed in love at the
first sight,I've never actually gotten the
vision of you out of my head." She dipped
her head under the water and reached for
the shampoo.
"Love at first sight huh? That's not very
butch." Maggie roared with laughter.
"Who said I was butch?" Jackie laughed.
"You wear a leather jacket, and faded jeans
with biker boots, you ride a motorcycle, and
you have that haircut." She pointed at
Jackie's spiky hair. Jackie laughed.
"ok point and case, I get it." She laughed.
Jackie lathered her hair, closed her eyes,
and finished washing her head.
"When I'm done rinsing we can switch
sides." She rinsed the soap from her head,
wrapped her arms around Maggie's waist,
and turned her into the water. Maggie
laughed and wet her hair, reaching for the
shampoo, which Jackie was holding just out
of reach.
"If you want it, you have to kiss me." She
grinned evilly.
"If you want a kiss , come and get it, you
don't have to hold the shampoo hostage."
She laughed, stepped closer and met
Jackie's feverish tongue. She passed the
shampoo over, but didn't release her. The
water that ran over them started to grow
cold before they parted, Maggie quickly
washed her hair as Jackie stepped out and
grabbed a fluffy blue towel. Maggie turned
the water off,and stepped out of the shower
beside her. Jackie finished drying off and
began running the towel over Maggie's
body. Maggie smiled.
"I could do that myself" She laughed.
"Where's the fun in that for me?!" Jackie
exclaimed and continued to dry her off. They
hung the towel up and walked across the
hall into the bedroom. Maggie took in the
rock posters, the white electric guitar
perched in the corner, and the bed. Beds
should look inviting, she thought. This one
scared her a little, Jackie led her to the edge
of the bed, and slowly sat her down.
"I won't touch you, unless you want me to."
She whispered next to Maggie's ear.
"We can just lay down and hold each other,
go to sleep, kiss. Or just touch until your
comfortable." Jackie said softly. Maggie
nodded and laid down.
"You are so beautiful." Jackie looked over
her naked body and ached to touch, but as
she promised, she just laid down beside her,
barely touching at all. It was Maggie who
snuggled closer. They where 18, and
gloriously sexy, they each looked at each
other. Letting their eyes roam, and take their
fill. Maggie rolled onto her side and rested
her hand on Jackie's stomach.
"I've never touched a woman." She blushed
slightly.
"Take your time, I want you to be
comfortable." Jackie whispered. Maggie
trailed her fingers over Jackie's
stomach,and felt it tremble. She drew her
hand back slightly, and looked questionably
into Jackie's eyes.
"That's a good thing, it means I like it"
Jackie whispered. Maggie replaced her
fingers on her stomach, moving them
slightly higher and brushing her breast.
Jackie smiled, but Maggie didn't see, she
was too busy on her course of discovery. She
ran her hand palm side up, under the bottom
side of Jackie's breast, picking it up lightly
as if she was weighing it and put it back
down. She traced her finger over Jackie's
nipple and felt it grow hard under her touch.
She smiled into Jackie's eyes, then lowered
her mouth to play with her hard nipple with
her tongue. Jackie sighed, then moaned.
Maggie reveled in the sound and began to
stroke the other nipple with her free hand
while her tongue danced happily over the
hardened one. Jackie sat up and rolled over
on top of Maggie.
"Your going to make my crazy." She
groaned.
"You said I can explore." she pouted
playfully.
"You did, now it's my turn." Maggie sighed,
"but I wasn't done." She sounded sad.
"There will be time my love, but now I have
to touch you, or I may explode." Jackie
whispered as she lowered her lips to her
shoulder.
"Explode, huh?" Maggie giggled. Jackie
nodded her head yes and began pressing
kisses to her throat. Maggie smiled at the
prospect of having that kind of sexual
appeal to someone, and immediately lost the
though as Jackie's mouth came to her own.
Their tongues met, slid over each other, and
began to fight a futile war. Their moans
mixed as hands slid over each others bodies,
Maggie found Jackie's sin wet, and pressed
against her leg. She lowered her fingers her
and began to stroke her softly, slowly.
Winning Jackie's attention back, she rolled
them back over and spread Jackie's legs
open, so she could explore more freely.
Every time Jackie moaned, Maggie took a
mental note and smiled.
"I like the way it feels inside you" Maggie
whispered as she slid her finger into Jackie.
Jackie gave a hoarse laugh, then moaned as
Maggie drew it out slowly and pushed it
back in a little deeper.
"if you really wanna hear me moan my love,
try using your mouth down there while you
do that" Jackie smiled. Maggie nodded and
lowered herself down to look. She pressed
her tongue softly to Jackie's swollen clitoris
as she pushed her finger into her once
again, Jackie began to rock her hips
slightly. Maggie moved her tongue slowly
over the sweet spot and listened to Jackie's
breathing pick up, and the moans became
more frequent. She flicked her tongue a few
more times, pushing her finger gently inside,
then slowly out, and in again.
"Please, a little harder, I'm almost there"
Jackie moaned. Maggie did as she was told,
moving her finger faster and harder in and
out as she flicked her tongue happily over
her clitoris. Jackie arched one last time and
sobbed as she came, she shook, and Maggie
silently freaked out a little. Jackie saw the
look in her eyes as she climbed back up the
bed.
"I came love, thats all."Jackie explained,
and Maggie blushed a little.
"You really are new at this" Jackie laughed.
"Yes, did I do ok?" Maggie asked and
laughed. Jackie nodded and pulled her into
her arms.
"You did amazingly well." Jackie laughed
softly. Maggie snuggled closer still and
pulled the blanket over them.
"I want to make love to you." Jackie
whispered to her.
"You have made love to me all night with
your eyes my love, now I want to sleep." she
laughed. They fell asleep, while giggling and
whispering to each other like children,
instead of women of eighteen. Maggie woke
late in the morning with Jackie laying beside
her in the bed just watching her. She smiled
slowly, kissed her good morning. Then
Jackie made love to her. Thoroughly made
love to her, and as Maggie came, she felt it
in her heart, in her soul, she had found her
other half.
She woke up startled that she had fallen
asleep, startled more that she remembered
their first night together so vividly. She
looked at the bed side clock, and winced at
the time.7:34pm and her father would be
there shortly for dinner. She sat up and
rubbed her hands over her face, and smiled
as she realized she had been crying. Just as
she had the next night after that beautiful
night when she and Jackie had made love for
the first time, and Jackie hadn't called. Not
even in sleep could she escape her pain. She
shrugged it off and made her way down to
the kitchen to start dinner. She barely made
it down the stairs when the knock came on
the front door. She opened it to find her
father laden with Chinese take out and
laughed.
“I was going to make dinner" She took one
of the bags from him. He just smiled and
followed her into the kitchen.
"I know Mags, but I've wanted Chinese all
day, besides when I called to see what was
for dinner a half an hour ago, there was no
answer. So I went out on a limb and guessed
you where sleeping." He paused and took in
the extra apron still hanging on the closet
door. Looking past it, he noticed a lot of
extra items still hanging around the house.
Refusing to comment on it till after they ate
he set the bag down and began removing the
small cardboard containers and metal tins
from with it. Maggie turned and grabbed
forks and plates setting them across from
each other at the table. He noticed silently
that she had finally stopped setting an extra
plate. He smiled and passed her the first
container.
"You always loved that chicken, even as a
child." He pulled the chair out and sat across
from her. She sat perched, half sitting on her
foot, and the chair, one knee drawn up
against the edge of the table. Her loose red
curls fell all around her head like tiny
springs, he felt himself staring at her,
starting to wonder just how exactly, she was.
"Daddy, I'm fine." She smiled, and raised
her fork to eat. He nodded and did the same.
"I noticed that her apron is still hanging over
there." He motioned with his eyes.
"and her coat is still hanging at the front
door, how long are you going to torture
yourself like this?" She dropped her fork,
and looked at the apron. Standing she
walked over and pulled it down, shoving it
in the closet, she walked back over and sat
down.
"Better now?" She went back to eating.
"Maggie you know I love you, I'm just
trying to look out for you, I wasn't trying to
upset you." He looked at her concerned.
"How long did you wait?" She asked while
toying with her noodles.
"Wait?" he asked absently.
"After Mom died, How long did you wait to
get rid of her stuff?" She looked down at her
plate. He thought for a moment.
"I never actually got rid of it all, some of the
things she loved, I packed away in the attic,
but the rest of her things, her clothing, her
coat and apron, I got rid of within months."
He reached out to touch her hand.
"Maggie your so young, you will get over
this and move on." He brushed his thumb
over her hand.
"What if I'm just not ready, is that ok?" She
got up and walked around the kitchen,
coming to a stop to stare out the window.
"No one can tell you when you have grieved
enough love. Only you will know when it's
time to move on, now come sit and eat, you
look like you haven't eaten a good meal in
weeks" He laughed. Though he was truly
worried about his daughter. She sat back
down, picked up a carton of rice and added
more to her plate. They talked about the
weather, and movies they wanted to see,
safe subjects she noticed, but he did not
bring up any more of Jackie's items still
sitting in the house where she had left them.
Maggie didn't disturb them, and that worried
him some. It was almost as like she was
waiting for Jackie to come back and take
care of her things, to put them away, and she
didn't want to move them on her. He shook
of his worries for the time being and
finished his meal. He picked up a rented
copy of a movie while she made tea, and
laughed.
"Is this what we are watching tonight?" He
asked while chuckling. She looked back and
laughed.
"yes it is".He looked down at the movie in