A Minute to Midnight
Thomas Gomez
Copyright 2012 by Thomas Gomez
Smashwords Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means without the written permission of the author.
First eBook Edition: January 2012
The characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
To Nicole J.
You inspired me, encouraged me
and most of all, you helped me.
You’ve helped me so many times
but this time you helped
me write a book.
Without your help there would be
gaps in the story line,
shorter and less interesting chapters
and there probably wouldn’t
even be a story to read.
You are such an amazing friend.
I couldn’t thank you more.
Table of Contents
“The important thing is
not the object of love,
but the emotion itself.”
Gore Vidal
Preface
Time goes by, even when you can’t feel it moving. The clock never stops to wait for you, it just keeps ticking. Each tick of the clock is like another dagger to the heart, painful, excruciating. All you can do is wait. Wait for time to end and wait for the pain to cease. You begin to wonder if that will ever happen. You begin to realize that the faster the clock goes, the worse the pain becomes.
Sleep becomes your only escape. You sleep as much as possible to avoid the pain of time. Though, sleep may save you from witnessing the moving time, it can’t save you from the dreams. The more time moves forward, the more intense the dreams become. You try to fight them off, but your body has weakened so much, all you can do is lay there and accept them.
You stare off into space, watching nothing. When it rains you stare out the window, wondering why it can’t wash away all your mistakes. You stare at your food rather than eat it. You lay in the tub, soaking for hours at a time. Your body has become a lifeless corpse, but you don’t even bother to change it. You tell people you’re okay, but you never really mean it.
Life goes on, while you stay behind.
Friends
“Sorry, Henry, I’ve really got to go check on something. Here, this should cover the bill.” John threw twenty dollars on the table as he stood up and gathered his belongings.
We were at my favorite diner which he’d brought me to in honor of my twenty second birthday. He kept running off out of nowhere the last few days and I didn’t want him running off again in the middle of such an important breakfast. I was only turning twenty two once and I wanted him there with me.
“No. Don’t leave! We were just barely started, and it’s my birthday, you should be here with me,” I spoke in disappointment.
“I’m sorry, Henry. I really have to go; I need to check on… something.”
“I’m tired of your excuses, John! When are you going to let me in on this secret of yours? You’ve left me in the dark for days now. Don’t you think it’s about time to shed some light on the situation?” I spoke with sincerity hoping he’d give in.
“Sorry but I can’t. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what it is soon. Now I have to go. I can’t keep Cheyenne waiting.”
“Cheyenne? Why are you going to see Cheyenne?” I questioned him harshly. Why did he need to see Cheyenne in the middle of our breakfast? Was our breakfast not as important to him as it was to me?
“Ugh! I’ve said too much already. Just don’t worry about it and don’t call Cheyenne looking for answers! Now seriously, I have to go,” he spoke as he began walking backward toward the exit.
“Fine, but you’ll have some serious explaining to do when I see you later!” I called to him as he walked away.
I was beginning to get frustrated with this whole situation. He just kept up and running away every time we were together. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I was shocked he could even hide it from me. Normally he’d be struggling with his secret and he usually ended up telling me the truth within minutes. But this was different, he had kept this secret from me for a few days now and the running away was becoming even more frequent. I had to figure it out.
“Is everything alright here, sir?” The waitress asked.
“Yes, can I have the bill please?”
“Here you go; you can pay upfront on your way out. Just hand them this bill along with the money.” She handed me a small bill and then began picking up the dishes left on the table.
“Okay, thank you,” I said as I got up from the table.
I walked to the front counter and handed the twenty John left me along with the bill the waitress gave me to the man behind the register.
“Thank you sir, have a nice day,” the man answered as he handed me the change.
“Thanks.”
I grabbed the change and headed for the door. It was bright outside and slightly warm. The breeze felt good as it mixed with the warm air around me. The air held the smell of late spring. It was the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass emanating from Crest Lake Park. It was May, and Clearwater was always beautiful during spring, the usual for a Florida city. Cars drove by and people walked down streets. Clearwater was always in motion. Tourists from all parts of the world were always there, enjoying the beautiful scenery and perfect temperatures. It was the perfect getaway.
I crossed the parking lot as I headed toward my car. I had a small black sedan. It wasn’t anything special, but it was a fairly new, comfortable car. I drove to my apartment building and parked.
My apartment was on the fourth floor. I walked up the stairs and into my apartment. I sat my keys down on the table in front of the door and walked over to the couch in my living room. My apartment wasn’t much larger than others.
The kitchen was the first thing you’d pass to your right as you walked in. Beside the kitchen, on the other side of a wall, was a small dining room. After the dining room came the living room with nothing but a couch separating the two. In front of the north wall was a big screen TV, and on the east wall was the door to the only bathroom in the apartment. Directly across from the bathroom, on the west wall, was the door to my bedroom.
I sat down on the couch and kicked off my shoes. I pulled out my cell phone and began to send a text message to Brittney. She was a close friend of mine who was also very close to Cheyenne, which was exactly why I needed to talk to her.
‘Hey Brittney, Do you know what Cheyenne and John have been up to last few days? I can’t figure it out and I was hoping you’d be able to help.’
I sat my phone down and waited for her reply. I flipped on the TV and began searching through the channels. As I was searching for something interesting to watch, Brittney replied to my message.
‘Sorry Henry, I can’t help you there. I promised them I wouldn’t tell.’
I was beginning to get more and more frustrated. No one would tell me what was going on with John and I hated being the only one out of the loop. It seemed as if everyone knew except me. I sat the phone down and shut off the TV. I was getting frustrated so I decided to take a nap. I lay back on the couch and got comfortable.
I woke up to my phone ringing loud in my ear. I rubbed my eyes as I reached for my phone on the coffee table in front of me.
“Hello?” I answered hoarsely.
“Hey sleepy head, I’ve been trying to call you for twenty minutes now.”
“John? What time is it?” I sat up as I spoke.
“It’s nearly five already. Get up and meet me at the beach behind my condo.”
“Right now… what for?” I questioned in curiosity.
“I want to take a walk with you. Just get over here and don’t take too long,” he answered and then hung up on me.
I lifted myself off the couch and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a cup of water and walked back to the living room to put on my shoes. I wasn’t sure what was going on but I figured it’d help me understand what John and Cheyenne had been up to. I hoped I wouldn’t have to wait any longer to find out. I grabbed my keys off the table in front of the door and left.
I parked my car in the parking lot of John’s building and walked around back to the beach. I found John sitting on a rock by the water.
“Hey, what exactly did you want me here for?”
He turned to look at me before speaking, “I just wanted to take a walk down the beach with my buddy, that’s all.”
“John, I'm really getting tired off all your sneaking around. Tell me what you’re doing, now!” I sounded frustrated as I spoke.
“Whoa! Easy boy. No need to get all touchy,” he laughed and smiled as he mocked me.
“Alright, sorry, now please. Tell me!”
“Fine, but we have to walk. I feel like I need some exercise.” He smiled as he led me down the beach. We walked by the water for a minute before he began speaking. “Cheyenne and I were planning a surprise for you.”
“A surprise… for me?” I seemed utterly confused. Normally John would just get me a gift and nothing else. Why was this year any different?
“Yes, silly. A surprise for you, I mean it is your birthday right?”
“Yeah it is, but normally all I got were gifts, never surprises.”
“Well this year I thought I’d change things up a bit. But, of course, I couldn’t do it alone. I had to have Cheyenne help me plan it, just so it’d be perfect for you.”
We came to a stop and I turned to look at him. “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you.” I couldn’t help but smile at him. He looked absolutely beautiful as the sun began to set behind him. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him for a hug.
“You’re welcome, but don’t just thank me. Thank Cheyenne too.”
“I won’t forget to thank her when I see her. Speaking of which, where is she?”
“She’s up in my condo getting the surprise ready. I want to make sure it’s extra perfect when you get there.”
“So… does that mean the surprise is up in your condo?” I spoke slowly and slightly devious.
“Yes? Why?”
We stood there for a short moment looking at each other. Then I quickly turned around and began running toward his building. I wanted to see what the surprise was so badly, I couldn’t wait. But, of course, John came running after me.
“No! Stop, come back here!” He yelled at me as he chased me. We only ran for a few yards before he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me into the air. Unfortunately, I weighed more than he thought and we both tumbled down to the ground rolling onto one another. We spread out across the sand and lay there for a minute to catch our breaths.
“I want to know what it is. Can I please just have a little peek?” I begged.
“No. It has to be perfect, and if you get a peek at it it’ll ruin the whole surprise.”
“Ugh! Who cares! I want to see it!” I got onto my knees and began crawling toward the building.
“Henry, stop!” He yelled at me.
I stopped in my place, only four feet from where I began, and turned to look at him as I sat down and crossed my legs. “How long am I going to have to wait?”
He sat up and turned to me, “not long. She was nearly done when I left.” His phone began ringing and he reached into his pocket to pull it out. “Hello?” He paused to let them speak. “Great, we’ll be right there.” He hung up and put the phone back into his pocket. He then stood up and let out his hand, offering to help me up. “It’s ready!” He smiled in excitement as he spoke.
“Finally,” I took his hand and got up from the sand. We both patted the sand off our pants and shirts before continuing to walk.
We took the elevator up to his room on the eighth floor. His apartment building was much more elegant than mine. It was the kind you’d expect to find out on the beach. We walked down the hall to his door and he paused before opening it. “Are you ready?”
“Just open the door already, the suspense is killing me!” I cried.
He opened the door and allowed me to walk in first.
“Okay? Its pitch black in here how am I supposed to be surprised if I can’t even see the surprise?” I stated sarcastically.
Suddenly the lights came on and everyone inside screamed ‘happy birthday.’ I never would have suspected the surprise to be a party because I had never had a real birthday party before. Usually they were just family and friends over for cake and presents. But this party was amazing. He had gotten every detail perfect. Just the way I would have wanted it to be.
There were purple and gray streamers hanging across the ceiling. The center of the floor was cleared and ready for dancing. There was a table setup to the left of me with cake and presents galore. All my friends and co-workers were there to celebrate, each in their own party hat. Some held ribbons and others used noise makers to add to the fun. There was even a DJ there that began my favorite song after they all greeted me. It was more perfect than I expected and I couldn’t have been happier.
“Oh my goodness John… this party is… perfect!” I spoke slowly, trying to process it all at once.
He chuckled at my astonishment. “I don’t know about perfect but it sure is nice,” he smiled sarcastically.
I turned to him and gave him a huge bear hug. “Thank you so, so, so much! This really means a lot to me.”
“Okay, okay, you’re welcome; now, go say hello to all of your guests.”
I let go of him and smiled as I walked away. I was so happy words couldn’t begin to describe. I walked over to Cheyenne and Brittney by the cake and greeted them. “Thanks a lot for helping him, Cheyenne. It means so much to me, really.”
“Awe… you’re welcome Henry. It’s the least I could do for you; you’ve been an amazing friend all these years.”
“Yeah, well your amazing friend tried to get me to spoil the surprise earlier!” Brittney proclaimed sarcastically.
“Henry! Has no one ever told you that patience is a virtue?” Cheyenne teased.
“Ha-ha. I was just mad that I was the only one left out,” I smiled as I spoke.
I began walking around and speaking to all the other guests. I greeted them all and thanked them for coming to the party. They asked how I was and how things were with John. I assured them that everything was normal between the two of us. As I walked around the room I found myself stopping to talk to John by the table with food and drinks.
“Hey, thanks again for all of this. It’s amazing.”
“Don’t mention it,” he smiled the most beautiful smile I’d seen in a while. I found myself distracted by his features and beginning to stare.
“Henry? Henry!”
“Whoa! Sorry, I spaced out for a minute there.”
He laughed and smiled. “Go figure. You know you might want to pay a little more attention when you’re talking to someone,” he teased.
At that moment the lights went down and someone turned on a pair of strobe lights. Then the DJ began playing my favorite song to dance to and I just couldn’t resist. “I love this song! Dance with me, please?” I begged childishly.
“No. Come on Henry, you know I hate dancing.”
There was nothing more John hated than dancing. He probably wouldn’t even dance if his life depended on it. I knew it’d be hard to get him to dance with me but it was my birthday and I had to get him out there.
“Please? It’s my birthday, John. Do it for me?” I smiled.
“Ugh! Wasn’t this party enough for you? Or couldn’t we at least do something else together?” He whined.
“No. This is what I want to do with you… please?” I gave him the puppy face and hoped it would guilt him into doing it.
“Fine, but I’m doing this for you so you owe me.”
“Sure, I owe you, whatever. Just as long as I can get you out there with me.”
I pulled him out to the dance floor and noticed that everyone around us was watching with wide, curious eyes. I pulled him out to the center and began dancing while he just stood still staring at me. After a moment I paused and looked at him with fire in my eyes.
“Are you going to dance or not?”
“Do I have to?” He whined like a baby.
“Yes!”
Suddenly I heard a few people in the room begin to chant ‘dance, dance, dance.’ Then everyone else began to join in until the whole room was chanting together. John began to blush as he grew embarrassed, but finally he began to dance. The crowd cheered and everyone started laughing. “You see. It’s not so bad once you get into it. Just let loose and have fun.”
“Don’t start Henry, don’t start.” He said sounding mad though you could clearly hear his laughter hidden behind the anger.
We danced until the song ended and when we were done I thanked him and walked over to Cheyenne and Brittney.
“Goodness Henry! How did you even get the kid out on the dance floor?” Cheyenne questioned me as soon as I got there.
“Yeah, how did you? He never does that for any of us!” Brittney scolded.
“What did you say to get him to say yes?” Cheyenne questioned again.
“Nothing really, I just told him it was my birthday and that he had to do it for me,” I stated.
“That’s all?” Brittney seemed slightly annoyed, “he never says yes to me and I beg him for hours.”
“Well I guess he’s feeling a little soft today?”
“Don’t act like you don’t see it!” Sam scolded from behind me as I turned to face her. “You know he would only do that for you and no one else. He probably wouldn’t even do it for his own mother.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.
“I think she’s right Henry. He would only do that for you,” Brittney added.
“You guys are crazy. He’s just being nice today.”
Sam turned and shouted to John from across the room, “Hey John, want to dance with me?”
“Yeah, right, there’s no way I'm getting back out there!” He sassed.
“Oh yeah, he’s pretty generous alright,” Sam spoke sarcastically as she turned to face me.
“What does that prove? He was just out there with me; of course he wouldn’t want to go again.”
“Face it Henry, John’s only soft for you. He would never go out there again in a million years, unless of course, you were the one who offered him,” Sam smirked.
“She’s got you there Henry, just face it, you’re the one he likes.” Cheyenne added.
“Likes? I’m sorry but am I the only one in the world who knows how John feels? John’s straight you guys, he doesn’t like me.”
“Humph, could have fooled me,” Sam taunted.
“This is stupid. I don’t want to have this conversation here, not now at least.”
“Everyone knows how you feel about him Henry; it’s no secret, even John himself knows,” Brittney stated.
“Yeah, John knows. He brought it up a few times when we were planning,” Cheyenne added.
“What do you mean he brought it up?” I asked, confused.
“I mean, he asked me if I thought anyone would bug you about it during the party. He figured that someone would say something about him going through all this trouble just for you. He knows that you like him and he’s well aware that everyone thinks he likes you too. This isn’t news anymore, it’s been known for a while. He just didn’t want you to get hurt at your own party,” Cheyenne explained.
“You see Henry, he knows all about it. Even he hasn’t denied it. So why are you?” Sam added.
“I'm not denying anything. There’s nothing to deny because you’re all lying. Maybe he does know that I like him, but he doesn’t know what you guys think of him. I know John; he would have said something by now.”
“He’s only trying to spare your feelings. He knows that if he tells you the truth it’ll just hurt you. If I were you, I wouldn’t want someone telling me they didn’t like me back,” Sam continued to taunt me.
“That’s enough, Sam, just leave him alone,” Brittney sassed.
“Well he needs to understand that he’s stuck in an endless loop and unless he admits to John how he really feels, he’ll never get out of it. I’ll give you a chance, Henry. Either you go tell him the truth or I will. What’s it going to be?” Sam proclaimed.
“You’re wrong, Sam, you have to be wrong. I don’t want to go talk to him about something that personal if you’re wrong. I’d rather save myself the embarrassment.”
“Fine, you’ve won yourself the easy way out. I suppose I’ll just have to go tell him myself,” Sam scolded as she walked toward him.
“Oh no, what am I going to do now? She’s going to tell him everything and I’m not ready for that kind of change.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Trust me if John’s really your friend, which he is, then you’ll be fine, I promise,” Cheyenne spoke attempting to comfort me.
I turned away. I didn’t want to look John in the eye when he found out the truth. Unless, he already knew the truth like they said he did. It didn’t matter, either way I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. This had to have been one of the most awkward moments of my life.
I wasn’t ready to admit my true feelings to him yet. He always knew I was gay but I never would have imagined that he knew I had feelings for him. Ever since we met in high school I’ve had a crush on him. He had always seemed like the perfect guy. He was sweet and sincere to me no matter what I did and on top of that he was remarkably attractive. Sam was about to ruin an amazing friendship and I wasn’t sure what I’d do without him.
“What’s happening? Does he look mad or anything?” I asked as I faced Cheyenne and Brittney, not wanting him to see me.
“He actually looks pretty concerned right now. And it almost seems like he’s mad at Sam, not you,” Brittney stated as she attempted to read his expression.
“Oh no, Sam and John are headed this way,” Cheyenne added warily.
I stood there for a moment, still facing Cheyenne and Brittney. I could feel my body tense as I grew nervous. My heart began to race. Just then, I felt John place his hand on my shoulder to turn me around.
“We need to talk, Henry. Go in my room and I’ll meet you there in a minute. I have to speak to the girls first,” he spoke cautiously.
“Alright John, I’ll see you in a minute,” I sounded nervous, oblivious to what he’d say to me.
As I began to walk away I glanced at Sam and she winked at me in a very devious way. I was so mad at her for what she’d done. This wasn't just bad for me. I thought John would be hurt to know hanging out with me would cause everyone to think he was gay as well. I didn’t want to ruin his reputation with his friends and co-workers. It’d ruin his life if they began to taunt him for it.
I walked toward his bedroom door and noticed a few people staring at me. They knew something was going on and I felt bad for ruining the party for them. I knew this talk would end the party. John probably wasn’t very happy at this point and our chat would probably make him even angrier. I opened the door and closed it behind me as I walked in.
His room was beautiful and very elegant. There was a massive king-sized bed centered on the wall facing me. The bed frame was a solid black finish with a padded headboard. There were two solid black end tables on either side of the bed, each with chrome fixtures and stylish designs. On the wall to the left was a dresser that resembled the end tables. It had a large mirror attached to it and on either side of it were doors. The door on the left led to the massive walk-in closet and the door on the right led to the bathroom.
The wall to the right was covered in large windows that reached from ceiling to floor. There were windows just like them out in the living room but they had been covered up for the party so it would be dark enough to surprise me.
There was a glass door in the middle of the wall that led out to the balcony. Through the windows you could see a small French cafe table and two chairs on either side of it. The balcony wasn’t large but it was big enough to have a couple of guests out with you.
He wasn’t out on the balcony much. Occasionally he’d have breakfast while the sun rose or dinner while the sun set. Usually he’d sit out there to escape from everything when he wasn’t having the best of days, and that was how you’d know something was wrong.
Next to me, on the right, was a computer desk. The desk was also black, resembling the rest of the furniture, and had a laptop resting on it. I walked over to the desk because a picture had caught my eye.
I noticed it was a small frame that had a photo of me and John in it. The frame was a gift from me that had been decorated in Christmas ornaments and there was a small snowman sitting in a field of snow in front of it. I looked at the picture and laughed at it. We were at a Christmas party at Sam’s house and someone was making fun of us for being secretly ‘in love.’ John laughed at them and, jokingly, he kissed me on the cheek to show his ‘affection’ for me. Cheyenne happened to take a picture of it before John pulled away.
It was a fun party and we all taunted each other after having such a late night. That next day Cheyenne had given John the photo and he put it in the Christmas frame I bought him. I didn’t know he still had it out since it was already late spring.
I stared at the frame for a minute before noticing the computer screen. The clock read one o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Time had gone by so fast and no one seemed to notice.
John finally walked through the door and then closed it behind him. He looked at me with glum eyes. “Take a seat, Henry.”
I walked over to the foot of the bed and sat down. I looked at him with wary eyes as I waited for him to reprimand me. He walked up to me as he spoke, “do you have anything you want to say first?”
“I love your gray and purple bedspread, it looks nice,” I smiled nervously and then realized the stupid remark I had just made.
“What? No, that’s obviously not why I wanted you in here.”
“I know. Sorry, I’m just not thinking straight right now.” My cheeks grew red with embarrassment.
“Thanks anyway, I figured you’d like them.” He spoke slowly, confused.
“So what was the point in this?”
He sat down beside me as he spoke. “I’m not exactly sure how to do this. I was hoping this could wait till later,” he sounded wary.
“Just say what’s on your mind, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“Alright… well I know everything. I know how you feel about me and I know what everyone’s been saying about us. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, so… I don’t feel the same way about you and I don’t think I ever will. I’m straight, Henry, I doubt that will ever change.”
I took a moment to process what he said. I couldn’t decide whether I should be hurt or relieved that he wasn’t mad. “I know John. I tried to explain that to the girls but they’re stuck on their idea of us being together. I’m sorry for putting you in the middle of this.
“I’m not worried about myself, Henry. I’m worried about you. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“It’s all right, I’ll be fine, and I’ve been in the same situation since the day we met.”
“That long? Wow, I knew you’ve liked me for a while but I had no idea it was since the day we met,” he spoke, astonished by what I said.
“Well, yeah, don’t you remember what happened?” I questioned.
“Yeah, kind of, but I don’t understand what made you like me so early on?”
“Have you looked in the mirror?” I teased jokingly. “But, that’s not all that made me fall for you, that was just the icing on the cake.”
“Enlighten me, please.”
“Well I remember it was my sophomore year and the year had just started. I had just moved to Brooklyn a month before school and I wasn’t the most outgoing person, so I hadn’t made very many friends yet. The second week of school was still pretty lonely and then you transferred into my class. The teacher made you sit by me and I didn’t really like that because I hated showing new kids around and I assumed you’d ask. But, when you sat next to me my heart nearly fell to the ground. I was still just realizing I was gay and I hadn’t exactly been able to accept it myself, but when I saw you I knew for sure what I was.”
“Wow, you never told me that!”
“I didn’t think you’d feel comfortable knowing it. Anyway, at that moment I began hoping you’d ask for directions. I wanted you so badly but I knew I should at least learn more about you at first. And, not to be mean, but back then you kind of gave off the gay vibe.”
“Thanks a lot Henry,” he said sarcastically.
“Sorry, I just thought I’d let you know. Well I remember you asking for directions and I took your schedule to see which classes you had. I was happy to see that in addition to our first period we also had lunch and fourth period together. What I was upset to see was that your schedule stated you were a junior, which meant that you’d graduate before me and leave me all alone for a year.
“I walked you to class and gave you directions to all your other classes as well. You said you wanted to hang out with me during lunch so you wouldn’t have to sit alone on your first day and of course I was going to accept.
“At lunch we decided not to eat so we just sat down on one of the benches outside the lunch room. Some idiot jock passed by and called me a queer and I was so angry, not because of what he said, but because then you knew and I didn’t know if you’d be okay with it.
“Then I truly fell in love with you for what you said to me. You told me you didn’t care what I was and that you were my friend either way. I was so happy that I couldn’t care less about what that jerk had called me. But, then you told me you were straight and suddenly I hated him. I figured it would have been better for you not to know for a while then to find out the first day.
“I tried to forget about it so you wouldn’t notice my feelings for you. You became my best friend from that point on and I never stopped liking you. Though I thought it was as obvious to you as it was to Cheyenne and Brittney. They knew from day one that I liked you. Plus I always gave you special gifts on holidays, even for Valentine’s Day,” I laughed at the memory.
“I guess I was always an airhead,” John laughed as he made fun of himself.
“It’s pretty corny, but I would say it was love at first sight,” I smiled.
John laughed before he spoke. “Wow! I can’t believe I didn’t notice sooner.”
“Yeah me neither.”
There was a short pause and then he spoke. “Well I'm sorry about Sam and the others. I hoped today would be free of drama but what can you expect with Sam around. Not to be mean, but she can be a real bit-”
“John!”
“What?” He asked sarcastically while laughing.
“Ugh!” I flopped backward on the bed, exhausted. “I’m beat! I can’t believe it’s already one in the morning. I guess you don’t realize you’re tired until you notice the time.” I stated.
“Oh, the party. I completely forgot there were still people here. I guess I’d better clear out the place.”
“Yes, please do, I want to sleep already.”
“Don’t get too comfortable, you still have to drive home.” He spoke as he walked out of the room.
I heard John announce the end of the party and asking everyone to leave. I could hear their footsteps through the door and in minutes the apartment was empty. I could hear John putting a few things away and then he came back to the room. I was nearly asleep when he walked in. My eyes grew heavy and my body shutdown.
“Henry? You have to get up, the party’s over.”
I groaned as I turned in the bed to get comfortable.
“Ugh! I suppose you could spend the night here. But, the couch isn’t very comfortable so we’ll have to share the bed. Is that okay with you?” He asked. I groaned once more as a response. “As if I had to ask, lover boy,” he laughed as he mocked me.
“Shut up!” I yelled, only it wasn’t as loud as I intended.
“I'm just playing, gosh,” he smiled as he walked into the closet.
After about a minute he came back out ready to sleep in mere boxers. His boxers were white with small tan colored seagulls scattered along them. He looked beautiful and I was in awe at the sight of his bare torso.
He had a perfectly sculpted chest and abdomen. His arms were buff as well and his skin was perfect and even toned. He appeared like an angel before me. I couldn’t believe the beauty of the man I called my best friend. It was like looking at the digitally edited body of a model in a magazine, perfect.
He glided over to the bathroom to brush his teeth and further prepare for bed. While he was inside I stripped down to my boxers as well and threw my clothes to the floor beside the window. I pulled the covers over by body and got comfortable. He came out after a few minutes and walked over to the nightstand on the left side of the bed. He plugged his phone in to charge, laid it on the nightstand, then shut off the light and climbed into bed with me.
I couldn’t see anything as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I could feel him shifting beneath the covers. He had moved around until I could feel his foot lightly touching mine, then he stopped and settled in. I half smiled in the darkness as I felt him touching me. The moment was comfortable and I lay there beside him wishing that nothing would change.
As my eyes adjusted I began to see my surroundings. The moonlight was emanating from the windows after me. I then realized that John had fallen asleep already, almost instantaneously. I lay there staring at his beauty and I loved how adorable he looked when he slept. I admired him for a few moments before he began shifting again.
He switched from lying on his back to lying on his left side, facing me, and he had gotten closer. If we had been just a half foot closer our noses would have been touching. I loved it, it was comfortable and just what I had always wanted. I wished this would last forever, but I knew it would end sooner than I’d wish it to.
His body was warm and I could feel that warmth emanating from him. I realized I was cold and curled up beneath the covers. My hand slid along the top of the covers and I accidentally brushed John’s hand. I left my hand there touching his and after a moment he had intertwined his little finger in mine. I grew happier and even more comfortable. Our little fingers were intertwined and he had done it himself. The moment was perfect.
After a moment of analyzing the situation I had realized what others had already known. I noticed something that would change our friendship, something that would change everything. I realized that I was truly, madly, deeply in love my best friend.
Knowing
As I awoke I turned my head to find that John wasn’t in bed anymore. I sat up and looked around the room. I noticed a trickling water sound emanating from the bathroom and I assumed he was in the shower. I lay back on the bed and waited for him to finish.
A few seconds passed before he turned off the shower. He walked out of the bathroom wearing a mere towel around his waist. His torso was drenched in water and he used the towel he held in his hand to begin drying off. He looked beautiful as the light reflected off the streams of water running down his body.
“Good morning,” he said smiling.
“Morning,” I said hoarsely.
“You know with all that went on last night I completely forgot to give you your gift,” he said as he continued to dry his torso leaving his hair still drenched.
“You know, you didn’t have to get me anything. Don’t you think the party was enough?”
“Well… I wouldn’t exactly say it was enough,” he said smiling.
“Ugh, you spoil me too much.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he teased as he walked toward the closet. “I kept mine in here because I wanted you to open it apart from everyone else’s.” He came back out of the closet holding a medium sized box wrapped in light gray wrapping paper. He handed me the box and I noticed it had a large purple bow in the upper right hand corner and in the center it read:
‘To the best friend a guy could have, happy birthday Henry.’
I highlighted the word friend and then remembered what I had discovered the night before. I was more in love with him than I thought I was and he had no idea.
I began to unwrap the gift and found what it was hiding. Under the wrapping paper was a box that I was shocked to see. John had gotten me a brand new laptop and it was perfect. Just two weeks earlier my laptop had broken and John knew exactly which one to get me without having to ask.
“So do you like it?”
“Do I like it? I love it!” I exclaimed.
“I knew you would,” he laughed.
“Oh gosh, this is absolutely perfect.”
He flashed a smile as I jumped off the bed to hug him. “You’re the best.”
“Well, I don’t know about the best,” he laughed.
“Don’t be so modest.”
He walked back into the closet and came back out in a fresh pair of boxers as he finally began drying his drenched hair. I walked out to the kitchen, which was just past the living room, and asked if he was hungry.
“I’m starving,” he stated as he walked in behind me.
“All right, I’ll go ahead and make us some breakfast.”
“Great, thanks!” John left the kitchen to go watch TV.
After about twenty minutes I called him into the dining room and his eyes grew when he saw all the food on the table. I made him a big plate and he seemed to be very happy with it. John was a terrible cook so he usually went out to eat or ate frozen foods.
“Thank you so much. I can’t even remember the last time I had a real home cooked meal.”
“You’re welcome, but it was the least I could do since you let me stay the night.”
After we finished eating I went back into the room and got dressed. I began thinking about last night’s discovery. I wasn’t sure how I could be so in love with him. He was my best friend and had always been just that. I wasn’t sure why but it made me feel uncomfortable to think about it. I grabbed my belongings and left the room.
John was sitting down in the living room again watching TV. I looked over to the table by the door where everyone had left their gifts.
“I’ll come by later to pick up everything okay?”
“You’re leaving already?”
“Yeah, I have to get ready for work,” I said sadly.
“Don’t be so glum about it, we can hang out tonight,” he said laughing.
“All right,” I said as I gave him a hug, “see you later then.”
I thought more about my realization on my way to work. I couldn’t figure out what exactly was bugging me. I had already known I liked him but realizing I loved him was something entirely different.
I sent him a message thanking him for everything he’d done for me as I got out of the car. I didn’t receive a reply and I knew when he did reply that I would already be working. I was never allowed to check my phone during work so I would have to wait until I got out to see his reply.
Hours passed as I waited for the work day to end. I was distracted the entire time because I couldn’t get John off my mind. I realized I had to figure out what was bugging me before I met up with him later. Finally the work day ended and I was free. I found myself nearly running to the car. Once I got in the car I noticed I had one unread message on my phone.
‘You’re welcome for everything and I’m glad we got the chance to talk last night. Call me when you get out of work and maybe we can have dinner together.’
I took a minute to debate whether I should accept his invitation or not. Finally I decided to call him.
“Hey John, about dinner tonight, I can’t make it, but maybe some other time.”
“Awe, that sucks, I was really looking forward to it,” he replied.
“Yeah, sorry…”
“It’s okay. Well I’ll see you later then, bye.”
“Bye,” I responded.
I knew I had to figure all this out but I also knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I had to bring Sam into it and she was exactly the person I wanted to avoid. She was the main reason for all of this but I had to call her anyway.
“Hello?” She answered.
“I need your help with something,” I responded.
“Okay, with what?”
“John,” I answered.
“All right go ahead.”
“No, not over phone, I’m coming over okay?”
“Okay.”
Even after what she’d done at the party I still wasn’t sure whether I should be mad at her or not. But if anyone knew John as well as I did it would be Sam so I had to resort to her for help.
I finally reached her house and knocked on the door.
“Hey Henry, come in,” she said as she answered the door.
I walked in and sat down on the couch in her living room.
“So what exactly is so urgent that you had to come over to talk about?” She asked.
“Well…,” I sighed, “I took all of what you said at the party into consideration. Last night I was able to realize that, as much as I hate to admit it, you were right. I am in love with John.”
“Ha-ha, wow! I can’t believe it took you this long to realize that,” she mocked.
“Are you going to help me or mock me?” I asked harshly.
“Calm down, I’m just teasing you. Now what exactly is the problem with this? I don’t see how you loving him can make anything any different.”
“That’s exactly why I’m here. I need help so I can stop feeling so weird around him. I don’t want him to notice anything’s changed.”
“Okay, well you said you didn’t feel like this until after you realized you were in love with him, right?”
“Right,” I answered.
“All right well maybe you just feel like this because now that you know you love him you want him more? You probably noticed how much you need to be with him.”
“Really, that’s all you’ve got?”
“I’m trying Henry, but you’re not exactly the easiest book to read!” She remarked.
“Okay sorry, continue.”
“Maybe you just found it harder to go on living life watching him live happily with other girls? I mean, it probably hurts you more to see him happy without you now that you know how you truly feel.”
“Humph, so how am I supposed to stop myself from feeling that way?”
“I don’t know, Henry. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out on your own, sorry.”
“It’s all right, at least you helped.”
“Wait, have you talked to John about this?” She asked curiously.
“No, are you crazy?” I questioned.
“Maybe, or maybe I just think he deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want to know if the situation were reversed?”
“I guess I would, but still, I can’t tell him. Who knows how he’ll take it.”
“I guess you have a point there, but I would still tell him. If he’s the friend you say he is then he won’t do anything to hurt you,” she stated.
“Yeah, I guess. Well I’m going to head home now so I can think this through. Hopefully the awkwardness is just a stage.”
“Hopefully, but I guess you’ll know when that time comes,” she spoke as she walked me to the door.
“Yeah, I suppose. Thanks for helping me.”
“You’re welcome.”
I headed home to think about what she’d told me. Tomorrow was Saturday which meant no work for me or him. It made me nervous to think about that since he’d probably call to see if I’d want to hang out with him.
I felt bad trying to evade him. Normally we would just hang out, no questions asked. But now that I felt differently about him, I was avoiding him. I didn't want to start pushing him away.
I entered my apartment and walked into the kitchen. I made myself a quick dinner and sat in silence while I ate. I was lost in thought, trying to figure everything out. It didn't have to be different, but I was causing it to be. I wanted that to change. I wanted normalcy again.
Once I finished my dinner I headed to my bedroom. I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed. Thoughts were shuffling in and out of my mind. I grew very tired as I drifted into thought. My eyes began to close. I was nervous for tomorrow because I knew I would have to face John in the morning.
Confrontation
I awoke to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I forced myself out of bed, and slowly crept over to the reading table at the other end of my room. I looked at the screen and was shocked to see that it was John. I realized I would have to deal with it at some point, but I didn’t feel quite as prepared as I wished I were. I decided to answer….
“Good morning,” I spoke attempting to sound content, though it was apparent it was a charade.
“Good morning? Did you just wake up because it’s twelve-thirty?”
“What!”
“Ha-ha, yup it’s twelve all right,” he teased.
“Wow, I can’t believe I slept-in. What time did you get up?”
I tried to create as much small talk as possible hoping to evade any potential plans he might have had in mind.
“Seven, but I didn’t have anything to do so I grabbed a cup of coffee and then went on a morning jog down the beach.”
“It must be convenient having a beach right outside your building.”
“Yeah it is. I love the view; it’s stunning. The best thing about my condo is that I can sit out on the balcony and watch the sun set over the horizon.”
It sounded so perfect that I just couldn’t help but imagine him and me sitting out on the balcony watching the sun set, his arms, gently but tightly, wrapped around my waist. The very idea of being wrapped in his arms made me feel secure, almost as if I belonged there.
“Wow… that does sound beautiful,” I commented.
“Yeah it is… but anyway, how about we go out for lunch today, and then maybe hang out in the park or watch a movie?” Those were the exact words I hoped wouldn’t come out of his mouth.
I couldn’t think of an answer right away. I was worried something would happen while we were together or that he’d find out about my true feelings. After a moment of silence he spoke again.
“Are you still there?” He asked.
“Oh yeah, sorry… I’d love too.” I decided not to turn him down for the second time in a row.
“Great now go get ready and I’ll be over there in five minutes, okay?”
“Okay that sounds great, but if I’m still in the shower just go ahead and let yourself in. You have the spare key right?”
“Of course I do,” he answered.
“Okay great, see you then, bye.”
I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I’d see him. I was hoping that no matter how I acted he wouldn’t realize something was different and begin questioning me. I didn’t think I’d be able to tell him the truth.
I took longer in the shower than I had anticipated. I walked out of the bathroom in a mere towel and noticed him sitting on the couch just before me. I was so startled that I jumped backward and, to my surprise, I had jumped back so hard that my towel fell off faster than I could grab it. I was quickly overwhelmed with embarrassment, and my cheeks grew bright red. I instantly bent over, picked up the towel, and placed it back over my bare body.
“Please tell me you didn’t just see that!” I yelled, although it was pointless since he had been staring at me with pure shock mounted upon his face.
“I didn’t see anything,” he said sounding so sarcastic you’d have to be dumb to believe it.
“You’re lying! I can tell by the sound of your voice!”
“No really I didn’t,” he exclaimed.
“I don’t believe you!” I glared.
“I promise I didn’t…” he spoke sounding sincere.
“Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent,” he smiled.
I sighed as I took a moment before answering, “Okay, good.”
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” He spoke as he walked toward me. “We’re best friends and just because I saw you without-” I interrupted.
“So you did look! I can’t believe you would lie to my face like that! Ugh, I do not want to talk to you right now,” I yelled becoming frustrated.
“It’s not my fault! I couldn’t resist. You act like you wouldn’t have looked if I dropped my pants,” he spoke attempting to hide his laughter.
“I wouldn’t have.” Evidently I was lying.
“Oh really,” he said sarcastically. He had the biggest smirk on his face as reached down to the lining of his pants as if he were about to test me.
I grabbed his hand, “Don’t mess with me! You know I don’t lie to you,” I exclaimed laughing, and clearly lying once again. Secretly I wish he had pulled them off but I wasn’t sure how I’d react if he did.
“Okay fine, I wasn’t really going to anyway,” he smiled.
“Yeah sure you weren’t, and please keep this little moment to yourself.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Okay good,” I glared.
Finally dressed, I returned to him sitting in the living room waiting for me. As we were walking out I began speaking.
“So where are we going for lunch?” I asked.
“Hmm… How about you choose?”
“You already know I’m going to choose my favorite place,” I smirked.
“Ha-ha, okay I like it there anyway.”
We were almost to his car, and the whole time we walked in silence. I was quite happy about that part though, because I was still too nervous to get my thoughts straight. I smiled at him as I got in the car, hoping he wouldn’t question my silence. Even though I was worried about what could happen, I felt happy to be there with him. I then realized I had to do whatever I could to make sure our friendship stayed within good terms. I wasn’t sure how I would do that but I knew I had to. And it all starts when I finally gather up enough courage to confront him about how I felt.
It didn’t take too long for us to finally arrive at the diner. It was the same diner he’d brought me to for my birthday. We quickly found a parking space and pulled in.
It wasn’t long before we were seated and we did so without saying anything yet again. We ordered our food and it arrived soon after. I couldn’t take the pain of waiting much longer and at that moment I did what I later considered rash.
“Hey, um, about the party…” I hesitated.
“What about it?”
“You know what, never mind it’s nothing,” I lied.
“What is it?” He asked curiously.
“It’s nothing let’s just eat.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I evidently lied once again.
I hated myself for doing that. I must have subconsciously assumed I was ready and began to speak on impulse. I couldn’t seem to stop such inevitable actions when I was with him, as if I were at his mercy. I wish I could, because now he had reason to believe something was wrong.
He sat there staring at me with wide curious eyes that only seemed to make me more nervous. I wasn’t sure how to tell him that there was nothing going on with me. I was never any good at lying to him. After a few minutes, I decided to go ahead and give him the news. I had no other choice but to tell him what was on my mind since I could not lie to him. I quickly prayed that it would be fine and began to speak in a heavy voice that seemed overwhelmed with fear.
“I‒It’s not anything really…” I held a crooked smile on my face as I attempted to lie; though he could obviously hear the slight stutter coming from behind my already fear-filled voice.
“Don’t lie to me, come on just say it. You know you can tell me anything,” he smiled.
“Well…” all my nerves began to tremble and my voice seemed unsteady, “…it’s kind of something… important. I’m not so sure how to say it and, to be honest, I’m not even sure if I should say it. But I suppose it’ll have to come out sooner or later.”
“Okay…” he seemed worried.
“The night of the party, when I was talking to the girls they pointed out something I wish they wouldn’t have. Well, I guess you would remember how they played match maker that night,” we chuckled. “They all kept saying how they thought I was in love with you and I kept denying it. Although that night, while you were sleeping, I sat there examining the signs they pointed out to me and it was then that I realized… well, John I am in love with you.” I couldn’t bear to look at him and be crushed when he rejected me, so I stared down at my plate.
He was quiet for quite some time, so I looked up to him in curiosity. He sat there vacantly staring at me. He slowly opened his mouth as if to speak, but then shut it.